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10 Articles We Didn't Write (30 Days of Stuff)

30/11/2015

1 Comment

 
For the past month we've been tagging all of our published articles with '30 Days Of Stuff' in their titles. The reason for this is that we had an idea. We wanted to push ourselves to see what we could do.
If you've looked around foulentertainment.com at all you might have noticed that this site is run by three people. Three guys who have three jobs, three relationships and two children between them. We don't have the resources or the audience of boss-level comedy sites like Cracked or Buzzfeed do, but we thought it would be a good idea to see if we could produce 30 straight days of content, if not to test ourselves to see what we're capable of, and perhaps to make a few people laugh along the way.
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We're happy to say that we've almost achieved our goal. We made to it to the final day and our girlfriends haven't left us and only one of The Cunt's children have starved. With that, we leave you with our final article for this month. Thank you for sharing any of our previous 30 Days of Stuff articles, but for now let's reflect on what could have been. Here are 10 articles that we didn't write for out 30 Days of Stuff:

5 Times Snooker Players Lost Their Shit

This one was going to be a belter. Everyone knows snooker is the most dangerous sport, and the people who play it are dicing with death every single game. Sometimes the pressure becomes too much, and snooker players have been known to just lose all shit.
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Image Credit: express.co.uk
Reason We Didn't Write It:
It turns out that Ronnie O'Sullivan not only has a damn good lawyer, he's also a crazy bastard who's hard as fuck. He found out what we were working on, so he came to the FoulENT offices and twatted us all about with a sock full of billiard balls. We're legally required to tell you that we deserved what was coming to us and that you should watch The Ronnie O'Sullivan show on Eurosport.
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10 Famous People Who Look Like Labradors

Have you ever seen a guy who's so black he's basically white? Me neither. But have you ever seen a famous person who looks exactly like a dog? Below is a picture of Kevin Hart taken on his recent UK tour:
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Image Credit: www.fanpop.com
Reason We Didn't Write it: 
​This article was ill-timed with the death of a black service lab during a standoff in Kentucky, leading to service dogs taking to Twitter under the hashtag #BlackLabsMatter. We can't be arsed stoking the fires of SJWs (Social Justice Woof-iers).
​

Rappers Who Look Like Other Rappers

Rappers: They look like other rappers, for some obvious and some less so obvious reasons. To be honest, it took us ages to realise that 2Pac, who is apparently dead, was a singular person. We though that they'd just numbered a group of similar looking rappers who were all called 'Pac'. This was going to be a list of rappers who look strikingly alike to each other.
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Image Credit: digg.com
Reason We Didn't Write it:
The list was too long.

Why So Negative Charlie Sheen?

Charlie Sheen, when he wasn't banging seven gram rocks, was the king of partying back in 2011. He had one gear: go. But since the hight of his crazy, Sheen has faded from the limelight, forced to deny several different allegations bought against him about his health and lifestyle. We were going to write this with the hopes that Sheen would bring his dick out of retirement, cane a few thousand lines of coke, slam 17 girls in a row and go out in a blaze of white hot glory (in more ways than one).
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Image Credit: infostormer.com
Reason We Didn't Write It:
We had to veto this bad boy for pretty obvious reasons. Still it's not all doom and gloom. Check back in the new year for a different article, "Why So Positive Charlie Sheen?"
​

Anal Sex: It's Just Fucking Shit.

In the words of our Joe Turner: arses am bare gross. No matter who or what you enjoy having sex with, one thing is for sure; anal sex is not as great as the internet seems to think it is. This was going to be an exploration on the rise it's popularity, the history of it's taboo and an expose on those who popularised it in popular culture.
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Image Credit: joombo.com.br
Reason We Didn't Write It:
This was going to be linked to the previous piece about Charlie Sheen. Unfortunately the 'Poz' community jumped on our backs about it. Which opened up a completely new can of worms!
​

Everyone Who Likes Star Wars Is A Cunt And A Virgin

Star Wars, along with Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica and wanking alone in the dark whilst crying make up the four cornerstones of nerd culture. Star Wars is a collection of six films, where only half of them are any good, yet stupid nerds will defend them blindly. And you'd have to be blind to enjoy the prequels. This article was going to take a look at why the fans of Star Wars are the fucking worst.
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Image Credit: telegraph.co.uk
Reason We Didn't Write it:
Probably not the best choice of title. Those stupid virgins get really get up about shit like this. Also, we're doing Star Wars Week this month leading up to the release of the new film and we want those absolutely unlovable losers to read, watch and listen to it all!

The Best Songs To Beat Your Wife To

You know that they say: You can't beat Chris Brown. Well, Rihanna can't anyway. Like 'My Name Is Luca' did back when music was still shit, this list was going to take a look at the songs that best encapsulate the emotion and torment behind domestic abuse.
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Image Credit: thecrossingpoint.co.uk
Reason We Didn't Write It:
Turns out the whole article became a list of Chris Brown's greatest hits. The foremost, of course, being Rihanna.
​

Why My Dustbin Men Are Cunts

My dustbin men are cunts. This isn't a particularly pressing issue. They are just cunts. This was going to be an article about why they are such cunts. It's the proper Ronseal approach to journalism.
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Image Credit: chroniclelive.co.uk
Reason We Didn't Write It:
My bins were finally collected. Two days late. We've left a copy of this one in our drafts just in case it happens again. You've been warned.
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25 Perfect Vegetable Alternatives To A Dildo

Fuck paying big multi-million pound companies for our thrills; nature has the answers. Why would you buy a shitty plastic fake looking dick when you can just use these vegetables, which already look like dicks? This would have been out first foray into consumer advice as well as gardening tips.
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Image Credit: wiki.mindcloud.org
Reason We Didn't Write It:
This piece was heavily based in research. That means we had to know what we were talking about when it came to vegetables in orifices. It was after our 4th trip to A&E with vegetable number 14 (For those interested, it was a radish) lodged inside one of our writers that we decided that maybe work and play should be kept separate.
​

Know Your Limits: When Sex Becomes Rape (Part One) and
Know Your Limits: When Rape Becomes Murder (Part Two)

Not based on a true story or pending court case.
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Image Credit: freethoughtblogs.com
Reason We Didn't Write It:
A pending court case.

How about taking a look at 30 pieces of content we actually DID make?:

Day 1: PopScorn: Spectre Review
Day 2: You Never Asked: Sport
Day 3: The Jary Files - The Best And Worst Instruments To Pick Up Women With
Day 4: Britain First: Modern Nazis
Day 5: Motley Crue Ate A Hooker And Other False Stories
Day 6: The Jary Files - Five types of women hipsters have never heard of
Day 7: What The Hell Happened To Music?
Day 8: You Never Asked: Sex
Day 9: The Death of Video Games - New World Pre-Order: Fallout 4's Pip Boy Sorrow
Day 10: 6 Realities of Playing World of Warcraft for a Living
Day 11: 5 Things To Do in the First Hour of Fallout 4
Day 12: 5 Celebrities Who Have Aged Badly

Day 13: Friday the 12th: A Friday the 13th Special - Part Two!
Day 14: The 5 Worst Stand-Up Comedians
Day 15: You Never Asked: Music
Day 16: What The Paris Attacks Say About Us
Day 17: 4 Impossible Magic Tricks EXPLAINED
Day 18: Deaf To All But Metal: Albums We've Never Heard, Reviewed
Day 19: Pop Culture Club - Everything You Need To Know About Jessica Jones
Day 20: Celebrity Tweets Taken Out Of Context
Day 21: Deaf To All But Metal: More Albums We've Never Heard, Reviewed
Day 22: Stupid Things In Every TV Show
Day 23: Pop Culture Club - Marvel's Jessica Jones Series Review
Day 24: The Jary Files -Top 5 Places To Pick Up Women
Day 25: Everything Is Shit & Why It's YOUR Fault
Day 26: Deaf To All But Metal: UK Top 40 Edition
Day 27: Everyone's a Critic: Reviewing the Reviews
Day 28: The End of Single White Writer: OKCupid, POF & Logging Off
Day 29: 6 Simple Life Hacks To Make You A Better Person
Day 30: You're on it, you daft cunt.

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By Mike Owen
@ThatMikeOwen

The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games.

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By The Cunt
Email The Cunt

A hidden face of the crew, The Cunt is main coder for Foul Entertainment games. He is currently documenting the progress of our game, Foul Fantasy, in his dev blogs.

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By Joe Turner

Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment, known for Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Disagreevances. He's also responsible for the artistic design in our games.

1 Comment
Ashlee link
6/3/2021 05:50:56 am

This is a great post, thanks

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