I love watching television. Good television, I'm not talking soaps or reality TV, I mean well written and well acted shows. Comedy, drama, action or anything really. I love it when it is done well. With the rise of Netflix and Amazon Prime there is unprecedented access to fantastic television. Unfortunately there are some things that sometimes break the enjoyment, stupid shit that makes no sense, it doesn't ruin the show, but it does take some of the shine away from it.
Looking Wistfully Out of The Window
You know when a character is going to do something they are conflicted about, and they are having a conversation. You've seen that scene a thousand times. I saw it recently watching the excellent The Man in the High Castle, I don't want to give too much away, but one character said to another how Berlin was the greatest city in the world. He said nothing and just stared wistfully out of the window.
Image Credit: youtube.com/user/amazonstudios
That infuriates me, for starters the other person would know instantly something is the matter, but more importantly he would say "Oi, I'm talking to you" or something of the like. Or maybe if they were too polite to do that, they would roll their eyes, or just fucking do something! Instead, they just sit there while the other person stares out of the window, day dreaming. Plot device or not, it breaks the immersion. Cut it out. ​
Resolving a Seasons Worth of Conflict in the Finales Last 15 Minutes
This one rides my tits the most, I think. You've watched a show from the start, become invested in the characters and become addicted to knowing what is coming next. They draw you in with a well crafted and fantastically paced story. This is the show for you. Then BAM, they rush the living daylights out of the last episode, just to get a resolution.
I kind of understand where they're coming from, they don't want to leave it on a cliffhanger if they don't get picked up for another season, but it just makes it less likely that anyone will watch the next season if they do get picked up.
Outlander is a prime example of this, if you haven't watched this and want to, skip to the next item, because this is spoiler town.
Outlander is paced very well, all through the first 15 episodes of the first season. Then the final episode comes along and something strange happens. For starters, the main character is subject to possibly the most graphic and brutal rape ever seen on screen. I don't just say this because it is male on male and I think that is worse or anything like that. I say it because it's fucking frightening.
He's subjected to being raped repeatedly, he is psychologically tortured and made to associate the rapists touch with his wife's by the use of smells. He ends up through some kind of Stockholm Syndrome reaching orgasm and enjoys the feeling of not being in pain for once. It is the most brutal and mentally draining thing I have ever seen depicted on television. It establishes the antagonist as a truly evil man, capable of anything to psychologically torment his enemies.
I kind of understand where they're coming from, they don't want to leave it on a cliffhanger if they don't get picked up for another season, but it just makes it less likely that anyone will watch the next season if they do get picked up.
Outlander is a prime example of this, if you haven't watched this and want to, skip to the next item, because this is spoiler town.
Outlander is paced very well, all through the first 15 episodes of the first season. Then the final episode comes along and something strange happens. For starters, the main character is subject to possibly the most graphic and brutal rape ever seen on screen. I don't just say this because it is male on male and I think that is worse or anything like that. I say it because it's fucking frightening.
He's subjected to being raped repeatedly, he is psychologically tortured and made to associate the rapists touch with his wife's by the use of smells. He ends up through some kind of Stockholm Syndrome reaching orgasm and enjoys the feeling of not being in pain for once. It is the most brutal and mentally draining thing I have ever seen depicted on television. It establishes the antagonist as a truly evil man, capable of anything to psychologically torment his enemies.
Image Credit: kiltsandswords.wordpress.com
It really is brutal, I'm not kidding. And yet, twenty minutes later the protagonist has been rescued and is smiling like a daft cunt on a fucking boat, with his formerly barren but suddenly pregnant wife.
How did that happen you ask? A limited production run and a struggle to fit everything in is how it happened. A lot of people say this is how it went down in the book. So fucking what? Fix it then, don't make the same mistake twice.
​
How did that happen you ask? A limited production run and a struggle to fit everything in is how it happened. A lot of people say this is how it went down in the book. So fucking what? Fix it then, don't make the same mistake twice.
​
The Nerd Gets The Girl
This one seriously does my head in. It just doesn't happen this often. I'm not saying it never happens, but it doesn't happen like it does in TV world. At least try to be a little bit realistic and fast forward 20 years so they are mega rich and have heartless gold diggers hanging off their dicks.
I'm going to break the trend and go with a film for this one. American Pie. The Shermanator. He ends up taking home the lovely Nadia. Why? Because she is too foreign to realise that he is a bit of a cunt. Not only a nerd, but he is a deluded, sexist, naive, rude nerd.
I'm going to break the trend and go with a film for this one. American Pie. The Shermanator. He ends up taking home the lovely Nadia. Why? Because she is too foreign to realise that he is a bit of a cunt. Not only a nerd, but he is a deluded, sexist, naive, rude nerd.
Image Credit: 4.bp.blogspot.com
Forget that he's not classically handsome or any of that shit. Plenty of people who are generally defined as ugly get with people who are generally defined as attractive. No, what makes no sense is that he has literally zero redeeming features. He's not a nice guy. He's a dick. He's not a dashing, confident hunk of a man. He's a skinny, socially awkward nerd.
​So why does he get a girl who most people would happily crawl across a million miles of broken glass just for the opportunity to watch someone wank on her shadow? Because he's a nerd, the nerd gets the girl. Fuck that, make him a nice guy, make him interesting, make him fucking something other than a sex mad nerd!
​So why does he get a girl who most people would happily crawl across a million miles of broken glass just for the opportunity to watch someone wank on her shadow? Because he's a nerd, the nerd gets the girl. Fuck that, make him a nice guy, make him interesting, make him fucking something other than a sex mad nerd!
It's ridiculous how TV shows treat us the audience like morons so much, then again The Wire struggled for ratings and X-Factor still brings in millions around the world. Maybe the audience are idiots, maybe this is the television we deserve! Disagree? The comments are below.
By The Cunt
Email The Cunt
A hidden face of the crew, The Cunt is main coder for Foul Entertainment games. He is currently documenting the progress of our game, Foul Fantasy, in his dev blogs.
Email The Cunt
A hidden face of the crew, The Cunt is main coder for Foul Entertainment games. He is currently documenting the progress of our game, Foul Fantasy, in his dev blogs.