What happened?
No, seriously, what happened? I remember being a teenager, when music controlled who your friends were. Music defined who you were as a person for anywhere upto ten years of your life, and it could easily seep into your adult life too. Music was the centrepiece of conversation when it came to meeting people and establishing social circles. Music mattered. Now it sucks.
So, what happened?
No, seriously, what happened? I remember being a teenager, when music controlled who your friends were. Music defined who you were as a person for anywhere upto ten years of your life, and it could easily seep into your adult life too. Music was the centrepiece of conversation when it came to meeting people and establishing social circles. Music mattered. Now it sucks.
So, what happened?
As a caveat to this article, I wrote the first draft of this under the influence of alcohol. I never claimed to be a role model, kids, I just like a good drink every now and then. I was steaming, both in terms of anger and inebriation. But after looking over my notes a second time, I figured I was onto something. Music did matter at one point, but now it is a joke. And here is my itemised list as to why music has fallen from grace:
Artists Cannot Sing Anymore
Image Credit: kiphakes.com
The basis of most songs, or at least pop songs, is of course the vocals. And at the very core, popular music fails in its first responsibility, cause nobody sings properly anymore. Even autotune, which has been on the gentle rise since the early 2000's, seems to have been abandoned in favour of just not singing. Take a look at the current superstars: Nicki Minaj, Drake, Kanye 'Self-Love' West. Do you see a pattern? Not one of them are attemping to sing. I suppose you could argue that they claim to be 'rappers', but let's take a look at the worst offender:
I rest my case. Also, Kanye is still the 4th worst Kardashian.
Even those who claim to sing, or at least have some vocal talent, cannot sing. Taylor Swift has the looks and can hit the notes, yes, but she lacks depth. Sam Smith has range, but has a vocal style similar to that of a cat on a rack. Ellie Goulding is more accent than voice, to the point where it sounds like she's about to burst into a Pearly Kings medley. But don't worry, if you thought singers were bad, the music industry has found a way to ruin the actual instrumentation too!
Even those who claim to sing, or at least have some vocal talent, cannot sing. Taylor Swift has the looks and can hit the notes, yes, but she lacks depth. Sam Smith has range, but has a vocal style similar to that of a cat on a rack. Ellie Goulding is more accent than voice, to the point where it sounds like she's about to burst into a Pearly Kings medley. But don't worry, if you thought singers were bad, the music industry has found a way to ruin the actual instrumentation too!
Electronic Music is Everywhere, and it sucks!
Image Credit: jamtothemusic.wordpress.com
Go and find a keyboard or a piano. Or any instrument for that matter. Got it? Good. Now, play three to five random notes on repeat. Done that? Good. Now, modulate the hell out of that in an editing program and watch the money roll in. Seriously, I can't have been the only person to notice that near enough every song in the charts right now it a song intended for clubbing, where people are drunk enough to only comprehend three to five notes at any one time. Welcome to EDM, and the reason that nobody has written a decent song in years.
Artists like Avicii and Swedish House Mafia, even to the dubstep styling of Skrillex, are directly responsible for the death of originality in music of late. It's way too focused on who was sat behind a computer running three to five notes through a number of different modulators making the perfect song to get plastered and make poor life choices to. Even a half decent song like Uptown Funk (don't judge me) is associated to Mark Ronson before Bruno Mars. I am all for the actual people with serious editing skills getting credit (I'm a producer of stuff myself and hell, I'll take credit for anything I'm attached to), but when little to no work has gone into the finished product? They can find a rail-road spike and impale themselves on it.
Artists like Avicii and Swedish House Mafia, even to the dubstep styling of Skrillex, are directly responsible for the death of originality in music of late. It's way too focused on who was sat behind a computer running three to five notes through a number of different modulators making the perfect song to get plastered and make poor life choices to. Even a half decent song like Uptown Funk (don't judge me) is associated to Mark Ronson before Bruno Mars. I am all for the actual people with serious editing skills getting credit (I'm a producer of stuff myself and hell, I'll take credit for anything I'm attached to), but when little to no work has gone into the finished product? They can find a rail-road spike and impale themselves on it.
Songs Made for YouTube Hits
Image Credit: wikimedia.org
I'll be brief here. Half of the time, the only reason songs get popular is because of YouTube. The studios caught on. Now, the only reason music or music videos are made is for sweet YouTube hits, otherwise known as AdSense money.
We thought we were clever by endlessly watching Gangnam Style. We ended up getting it into the charts. It was halcyon days. A Korean artist, signing only in Korean was an overnight worldwise sensation. Then the snakes of the industry came to paralyse and devour the entire concept. And now we have shit like Nick Jonas' greenscreen phantasmagoria, or Sia's artistic headscratchers. Or Drake. With whatever the bloody hell dancing this is supposed to be:
We thought we were clever by endlessly watching Gangnam Style. We ended up getting it into the charts. It was halcyon days. A Korean artist, signing only in Korean was an overnight worldwise sensation. Then the snakes of the industry came to paralyse and devour the entire concept. And now we have shit like Nick Jonas' greenscreen phantasmagoria, or Sia's artistic headscratchers. Or Drake. With whatever the bloody hell dancing this is supposed to be:
The scary thing? The Mr Bean version works. Really well. How utterly depressing.
Death of the Band
Image Credit: horrorphilia.com
Bands seems to have died, apparently. The late 2000's, for better or worse, was awash with bands. But look at the charts now. No bands. Where have they gone? The only decent album released by a band last year was AC/DC's Rock Or Bust, and they are older than God's dog!
What do we have to replace giants like these? The Vaccines? Alt-J? George Ezra?! Just shoot me, I was not made for this nightmare future.
What do we have to replace giants like these? The Vaccines? Alt-J? George Ezra?! Just shoot me, I was not made for this nightmare future.
Happy, Positive Songs are just the Worst
Image Credit: nicholaspayton.wordpress.com
This is aimed particularly at two specific songs, but we'd be kidding ourselves if we didn't say that music isn't exactly plumbing any emotional depths as of late. Outside of standard love or breakup stuff, the only song that has reflected any complex emotions in popular music in recent years is the excellent Somebody I Used to Know by Gotye. In fact, Gotye in general just simply a joy to listen and analyse.
However, we then get All About That Bass and Happy. The first, a vaguely pro-fat mess that was engineered to get people talking about being body positive and going on self-important tirades about why we should only buy music from artists who are overweight because they know life's true struggles, rather than focusing on how devoid of actual content the song is and, more importantly, how crap it sounds. The latter, the next logical step of 'If You're Happy And You Know It Clap Your Hands'. It's pure nonsense, endorsed by a cavalcade of celebrities that have nothing to do with the music scene, meant to take your mind off the fact that studios and big companies are distracting you from the grim reality that you live in a world of economic crisis, or war and misery and woe, which you cannot and will not fix.
But it's okay, because you bought a Pharrell song to show that you are happy. And you know it. Now clap your hands, you fucking seal.
However, we then get All About That Bass and Happy. The first, a vaguely pro-fat mess that was engineered to get people talking about being body positive and going on self-important tirades about why we should only buy music from artists who are overweight because they know life's true struggles, rather than focusing on how devoid of actual content the song is and, more importantly, how crap it sounds. The latter, the next logical step of 'If You're Happy And You Know It Clap Your Hands'. It's pure nonsense, endorsed by a cavalcade of celebrities that have nothing to do with the music scene, meant to take your mind off the fact that studios and big companies are distracting you from the grim reality that you live in a world of economic crisis, or war and misery and woe, which you cannot and will not fix.
But it's okay, because you bought a Pharrell song to show that you are happy. And you know it. Now clap your hands, you fucking seal.
Music is Somehow Stupider Than Before
Image Credit: funnyjunk.com
I'm don't know how to write this bit without devolving into a series of annoyed grunts. Honestly, words fail me. The sheer level of stupidity in popular music today is beyond belief. Whether it's a dumb meter, an incessantly monotone delivery or a repetitive structure, songs really aren't made like they used to be. But the icing on the cake it some of the downright awful lyrics contained within them. Here are a selections of lyrics from popular songs. Witness the stupid:
"'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood/You know it used to be mad love/So take a look what you've done/'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood"
"This dude named Michael used to ride motorcycles/Dick bigger than a tower, I ain't talking about Eiffel's/Real country ass nigga, let me play with his rifle/Pussy put his ass to sleep, now he calling me NyQuil"
"Do you need me?/Do you think I'm pretty?/Do I make you feel like cheating?/And I'm like no, not really"
"I really really really really really really like you/And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too?"
And the magnum opus...
"You a stupid ho, you a, you a stupid ho/Yeah, you a stupid ho, you a, you a stupid ho"
It's times like these I envy Beethoven. Not because of his immense musical knowledge or talent. I envy being deaf. And dead.
"'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood/You know it used to be mad love/So take a look what you've done/'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood"
"This dude named Michael used to ride motorcycles/Dick bigger than a tower, I ain't talking about Eiffel's/Real country ass nigga, let me play with his rifle/Pussy put his ass to sleep, now he calling me NyQuil"
"Do you need me?/Do you think I'm pretty?/Do I make you feel like cheating?/And I'm like no, not really"
"I really really really really really really like you/And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too?"
And the magnum opus...
"You a stupid ho, you a, you a stupid ho/Yeah, you a stupid ho, you a, you a stupid ho"
It's times like these I envy Beethoven. Not because of his immense musical knowledge or talent. I envy being deaf. And dead.
By Mike Owen
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games