You might have read one of my ‘5 Days With…’ articles, where I try out various online dating sites and services and tell you why they are or aren't worth your time. A number of you have enjoyed them, which has been nice to see. However, today's dating article is slight different. I'm covering two big sites, but these are sites that I tried not only for 5 days, but for months. In other words, these were my serious attempts at online dating.
The other thing that makes this dating article different is that this is the last of these dating articles. This is the end of the Single White Writer. But the big question is; Did online dating work for me?
Part 1: OKCupid
OKCupid was the service I used the most, outside of the ones I have written about. I as using this site alongside every other site I have written about. For all intents and purpose, this was my closet dating site secret: I took my efforts on this site pretty seriously. And it is a service I can quite highly recommend. In fact, I have. Since using OKC, I have referred two other friends who found similar successes and connections with people. In short, OkCupid is quite possibly the best online dating service out there. But let's take a look at it's features in depth.
Profiles
Profiles on OKC are pretty extensive. You'll fill in your basic age, sex and orientation preferences stuff before moving onto more divisive preferences, like religion, pets and drinking/smoking/drugs usage. What's telling about the profiles here is that most tend to be rather detailed. You can also fill in sections to describe yourself in a mini biography. These start out pretty basic, with space to tell others what you get up to daily and you ideas of good dates, to ice breaker sections like '6 things you couldn't live without'. For the most part, serious users of the site will have filled these bits of information in and it can be quite easy to get a small window into the lives of the people you connect with.
This can, of course, be a double edged sword. On a number of occasions, I'd see barren profiles, where no information had been filled in whatsoever, as well as overfilled profiles that detailed every little thing about a person, even in some cases down to detailing less desirable traits and mental conditions. Sometimes, information can be a bit frightening. But OKC has to be commended on it's extensiveness when it comes to showing yourself off. If you care about who people are as opposed to what they look like, then OKC might be up your street.
The UI
The web browser version of OKC is smooth and easy to navigate, however most of my experience with the site was through the app, which is available on both iOS and Android. All of the main features are displayed in the app, with some looking even better than the browser version.
One gripe though, the 'Activity' area looks pants on both versions and is a pretty questionable inclusion on the site. You can see who's updating their profile right now, sure, that's fine, but there's not guarantee that these people are within your parameters or even within your areas. It's pot luck more than anything and wastes valuable space on your homepage as well as a window in your app. It's not a feature I'd recommend using, unless you really like randomisation in your dating. Which is pretty much against the main points of using OKC, because..
Questions and Match Ratings
The big draw about OKC is the extensive question you'll be asked. These are voluntary of course, but they help to improve your possible match ratings with other users. These questions are answered on three counts: your personal answer, the answer you'd be happy to have a potential match give and how important that topic is to you. It's actually a really good way to express your personality more, and as a result, your matches and their potential match rates are constantly in flux, making every day using the service feel new and exciting.
There are minor drawbacks, however. For starters, given that they are optional, not all users answer them. Also, it's quite easy to skew your answers by saying that you will accept people who have chosen any answer to any question. It's sort of self destructive and entirely the choice of the user, but the ideas of the site, i guess, is to make the begger the chooser. If you're using the service for a quick hook up, that's fine, you can specify that in your profile. However, those who will take literally anyone in on a relationship (These people exist, trust me) could find themselves disappointed when they match with people who do not fir their parameters. But for those who can't be arsed with endless questions and long profiles can always take the easy route. Luckily, OKC built one right in.
Quickmatch
Quickmatch is the quasi-Tinder clone with OKC's algorithms plugged right into it. You will be displayed a small stack of matches ranked by match rating, distance and other parameters that you've assigned to your profile with one simple question: like or pass. Passing the profile won't bring it back into Quickmatch (At least not for a long while so far as I have seen), but won't make it impossible to find that person should you change your mind. Liking them will notify the other user that you liked them and move you to the top of their Quick match screen so they can do the same to you.
If you both hit 'like', congrats, it's a mutual match and you'll both be notified. it won't instantly open a chat window like in Tinder, but you'll have an incentive to do so. Of course, you're able to message any user any time you like, providing they have enough space in their inbox. However, if another users inbox happens to be full, or if anyone likes you and you fancy jumping the gun to message them straight away, there's a way around all that liking formality...
Paid Features
I've spoken about how much I hate this in dating apps, but I suppose it's a free market. OKC offers a number of ways for you to part with your cash for the potential of love. For starters, you can send a message to a full inbox for a quid, which classes as an optional microtransaction. You can also 'boost' your profile, another form of microtransaction, where your profile will be shifted to the top of the shuffle for every users who meets your parameters. It's a decent way of getting seen for sure, but does seem pretty backwards given that the entire service itself is based off searching for the right person rather than judging the book by it's cover, as it were. OKC's very system relies on it's users browsing each others profiles rather than giving a quick yay or nay, even though that system is also available.
However, their big service is called A-List, which gives you access to advance search options, browsing anonymity and inbox security amongst other features, like seeing who has liked you before you're faced with reciprocating the question. On the whole, it's all fairly innocuous stuff. if you want a greater degree of control or want to be seen less when browsing umpteen profiles, then you may want to consider it. I personally think the ability to see who is interested in you shouldn't be behind a paywall, but then I suppose it takes all desire out of paying for the service. Luckily for me, I actually had some success with OCK without giving any money to the service. I got my success by just by being a pro-active user.
Success
The image below shows a part of my inbox. Trust me, I messaged a vast number of people and started a number of conversations. The people on OKC make it worth trying if you're even the least bit interested in online dating. From here, I was able to chat to a great number of likeminded users, and some chats even extended into exchanging numbers and brief periods of texting. It was all rather exhilarating to see it all work before my eyes.
However... well, they all petered out very quickly. None of the matches I talked with stayed a contact for very long. And that's sadly where the market has been cornered with more immediate services like Tinder. On Tinder, if you want to fuck someone, you can say that, meet and do it. On OKC, if you want to date someone, you have to initiate the conversation, chat, exchange numbers, chat further, arrange a date, go on the date, etc, etc. It's sadly just more long-winded than normal dating. And that's fine for some, but not for me. Whilst it was fun, OKC was not a rousing success story for me.
I was dejected for sure. I felt like this could have been a great way to finally meet someone and tell you readers that there is hope for those of you looking online for love. I was certain it was going to happen and then it just didn't. That's when I made my big mistake: I joined another dating site...
I was dejected for sure. I felt like this could have been a great way to finally meet someone and tell you readers that there is hope for those of you looking online for love. I was certain it was going to happen and then it just didn't. That's when I made my big mistake: I joined another dating site...
Part 2: Plenty of Fish/The Downfall
To end on then, a brief talk on Plenty of Fish. I won’t dwell too much on this service, because it is pants. Plenty of Fish is arguably the biggest dating site in the UK for those in the 18-30 range. I’ve known people to have great success on this site, including Joe Turner (Sort of). The thing is, it is complete shit.
Profiles are too comprehensive, even so much as to ask you to fill out two really lengthy personality quizzes before letting you build your profile. Stupidly, though, these are partially skippable.
You can openly message other users without going through a like system, which gives POF a plus in my book. Sadly, as you could possibly expect from my exploits at this time, I didn’t receive any messages back. This is why I decided to only briefly discuss the service, because nobody wants to read about me not using the service to its full potential.
Profiles are too comprehensive, even so much as to ask you to fill out two really lengthy personality quizzes before letting you build your profile. Stupidly, though, these are partially skippable.
You can openly message other users without going through a like system, which gives POF a plus in my book. Sadly, as you could possibly expect from my exploits at this time, I didn’t receive any messages back. This is why I decided to only briefly discuss the service, because nobody wants to read about me not using the service to its full potential.
POF simply didn't work for me, and I really hated it. It’s easy to blame the service or the girls I messaged, but in actuality, I’m probably to blame myself. Using POF showed me at a point of desperation. I was blanket messaging tons of girls a day with a messaged I'd prepared days or weeks in advance, with just the tiniest of changes made for each girl. I was so mad about messaging that I hadn't even noticed I'd messaged the same girl twice with slightly different messages like it was the first time I'd done it. I must have been mad, thinking that one message back was going to change anything or make me happy. The total blank I get from the users of POF put things into perspective for me, in an odd way. Then it hit me, a question I was avoiding all along:
At this point, was I messaging girls to talk to them, or was I messaging girls to talk about messaging girls? Am I just seeking attention?
I stopped using both services after that realisation. I deleted the apps, deleted the site bookmarks and went into a sheltered state for days. I didn't feel like talking to anyone anymore. I was done.
At this point, was I messaging girls to talk to them, or was I messaging girls to talk about messaging girls? Am I just seeking attention?
I stopped using both services after that realisation. I deleted the apps, deleted the site bookmarks and went into a sheltered state for days. I didn't feel like talking to anyone anymore. I was done.
Final Part: The Aftermath/Final Conclusion
In the end, everything has actually worked out. I stopped getting so caught up with what people I had never met online thought of me, and I focused on the people I knew and saw in real life. Not long before I was scheduled to leave for America in September, I started seeing someone; a girl I saw near enough every day, but hadn't thought to try and talk to because I had my head in the online world. She was like me in many way; regressed from the normal dating world, but friendly and well meaning. Something finally clicked one day and I decided that I had nothing to lose. I approached her and offered her my phone number. We hit it off very quickly after I tried some of the simplest of dating tips I could ever give to anyone: Engage in conversation, keep them talking and be confident.
It paid off in spades. I'm happy to report that I've abandoned my status as a Single White Writer. Things have been on the up since then. And what's more, I don't need these profiles anymore.
It paid off in spades. I'm happy to report that I've abandoned my status as a Single White Writer. Things have been on the up since then. And what's more, I don't need these profiles anymore.
Online dating is a strange world. For some, it was a gateway to finding someone they had never thought to find. For others, it's a way to spread social links and explore their sex and love lives. For me, it was a distraction from a very real problem. I'd forgotten who I was or what I was looking for. It was only after I too my head out of that space that all of that became much clearer.
So, what's my advice. Do I recommend online dating? I'm still dubious myself, but if it interests you, I suppose it's worth a trial run. However, I'm a firm believer that there will never be a greater substitute for meeting people than actually meeting people. Don't wish your life away hoping to stumble into the perfect someone; Go out and find them.
So, what's my advice. Do I recommend online dating? I'm still dubious myself, but if it interests you, I suppose it's worth a trial run. However, I'm a firm believer that there will never be a greater substitute for meeting people than actually meeting people. Don't wish your life away hoping to stumble into the perfect someone; Go out and find them.
By Mike Owen
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games.
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games.
