And so we reach the end of the road for another 30 Days of Stuff, and once again we had a bunch of ideas that didn't make the cut for content this time around, for a multitude of reasons that totally wasn't laziness. Here's another 10 things we could have written, but didn't.
I'm not one for movie reviews. I haven't watched a Hollywood blockbuster in years because they either have too much or too little nudity for me to bother. However, when I found out that The Dark Tower was finally being adapted to screen, I knew this was one movie I'd definitely see at the cinema, or at least pirate.
This time last year I wrote an excellent article about the types of people you meet at popular music festivals. Back then, I basically said that festivals are full of bell ends. This year, I'm here to tell you the exact same thing. I noticed a further few types of asshole this year, ones which previously sidestepped by fool-proof asshole detector. The question remains: which one are you?
It is said that you can never have too much of a good thing, but the hand-shaped bruises on my cock tell a different story. There is a big difference between a wank and a dick injury, although one will inevitably lead to the other without the application of a little thing known as moderation.
Contrary to what people say, it is entirely possible to have too much or too many of something. More doesn’t equal better. Too much fertiliser on a playing field eventually results in mounds of animal shit where there used to be grass. Cigarettes will make you look cool to start with, but too many will turn your lungs to coal. Touching your penis more than five times a day will eventually turn your spunk to talcum powder.
Because most people are stupid, they don’t realise this. Instead, fat women who get minor self confidence boosts from posting heavily filtered selfies post fifteen selfies a day thinking it will yield fifteen times more confidence boosts. It doesn’t. It just takes up valuable web space for women who are worth looking at.
With this mind, here’s my list of things we need to start moderating better.
As is tradition for when we do 30 Days Of Stuff, we plan out a huge number of articles to satisfy the thirst that you people have, but never quite get around to writing all of them. Either other things come up in their place, or sometimes the idea is just so good that it needs to remain here forever, untarnished by one of us actually writing it. So here for your delectation is 'Another Another 10 Articles We Didn't Write'
There’s no saying I hate more than; like finding a needle in a haystack. If anything, a needle would stick out in a haystack. I propose we change it to like finding a needle in a pile of needles.
Trying to find quality content on the internet in 2016 is like trying to find a needle in a pile of needles. Sure, you can just jump right in and hope for the best but chances are you’ll end up wading through pricks. Nowhere is this shitstorm of misinformation that more prevalent than news websites.
But, the fact that we get our news online now – and not in print – offers opportunities we didn’t have years ago. Opportunities we often overlook due us being entitled simpletons. The common advantages of online news are well documented; cost efficient, time efficient, not having to navigate the outside world efficient, etc, but in recent years we’ve seen even further advancements.
At Foul Entertainment we pride ourselves on being able to make outrageous claims but never actually deliver. If social media is any barometer, then everybody we know is either a CEO, entrepreneur, artist, activist, intellectual heavyweight, political expert, comedian, photographer, superstar DJ, genius, or MLM preaching business guru.
We understand that image is a lot more important actually being. After all; if everyone thinks you're the CEO of a company, then you basically are, even though your company is just a Facebook page with a picture of you sitting at a desk as the profile shot. Image trumps being, and we're here to help you give that false impression you've always wanted.
Right now, there is a school somewhere in the world swarming with young, adorable, punchable-faced children. Their carefree lives consist of playing games and having fun before adulthood sets in and they become supermarket workers or alcoholics. So, it seems only fair to let these children enjoy their innocent lives before harsh reality shatters their dreams of being anything other than mediocre.
But, there’s a problem walking amongst these beautiful, yet ultimately-doomed children. Schools are, at their core, contained populations. Populations of which up to 4% could be unvaccinated against highly infectious diseases.
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