Category: Articles By Joe - Foul ENT

5 Seafood Dishes That Piss Off Vegans (30 Days of Stuff)

3/11/2016

This article is a part of FoulENT's 30 Days of Stuff! Click here to read all 30 Days entries and be sure to come back every day in November for new stuff just like this!

We recently got inspired by the folk over at Vegan Outreach, who warned us that by 2048, our oceans could be empty from excessive over-fishing. A world with an empty ocean is truly sad and horrifying, especially since so many delicious animals live there. So, before 2048 comes, get ahead of the curve and make sure you eat these 5 delicious dishes that feature endangered sea creatures!

I Would Rather Drill My Own Head Than Watch 'Blair Witch': A Review

12/10/2016

Every once in a while, a movie comes along which makes every other movie look like a total waste of time. Unfortunately, the last movie to do this was Mad Max: Fury Road which came out two years ago. I was recently unlucky enough to endure the shit factory of a film called ‘Blair Witch’, which some critics have wrongly referred to as ‘ground breaking’. However if these critics took their job as seriously as I take mine (not very), they would line up their families in a row, shoot them with a crossbow and then drown themselves in a river because this is the worst film I’ve seen in years.

10 Shows Better Than The Great British Bake Off

31/8/2016

The Great British Bake Off is back on our tellies... and all over our social media. Seriously, people will not shut up about this middle-class, obesity encouraging shitshow that will just not go away, despite this county's many efforts to lower our standards through teenage pregnancy, football hooliganism and off-shore terrorism. The worst part is that it's not even the best reality/gameshow representation of our country. Here are 10 better GBBO alternatives.

Prosecco Isn't A Personality Type

29/6/2016

Here’s some harsh truth that I’m going to lay out for you straight away: you’re not that interesting. Chances are you work a shitty, low-paying job, and your life is overall about as interesting as dog shit smeared on a white bathroom wall. Your personality is as bland as every other 18-35 year old man or woman in the same situation as you and you may or may not have chlamydia. However, don’t worry, because there’s a shortcut you can take to instantly become interesting: pretend to enjoy wine more than is humanly possible.

Another 10 Articles We Didn't Write

31/5/2016

This article is a part of FoulENT's 30 Days of Stuff! Click here to read all 30 Days entries and be sure to come back every day in May for new stuff just like this!

It's the end again! We've reached the final day of this writing-heavy 30 Days of Stuff, and the staff have now been allowed to put plasters over their writing blisters. But not before we tell you all about the stuff we either couldn't be arsed to write or abandoned along the way. Or made up because the title sounded funny. Whatever, you don't know and now you never will, because you'll never see these articles get written. Here are another 10 articles that we didn't write for 30 Days of Stuff:

Awkward Social Situations (And How To Fix Them)

19/5/2016

This article is a part of FoulENT's 30 Days of Stuff! Click here to read all 30 Days entries and be sure to come back every day in May for new stuff just like this!

If you’re anything like me, the most socially awkward situation you could find yourself in is when your balls are too big for standard issue medical apparatus, so instead of having some minor dentistry work the hot woman nurse just gives you a handy to make up for her incompetence. The problem is, as I’ve said many times, everyone else is not me. If the world were full of me clones, no one would get anything done because everyone would be drinking heavily and getting handjobs from medical personnel. Laws would be passed to ensure lesbians spend most of their time scissoring and erections would be mandatory at all times. In my world, there is no such thing as being ‘too high’, and instead of learning how to read, children are taught how to operate power tools from the age of 4.

As if to spite me, people who get embarrassed under the most common circumstances continue to exist, ruining any plans mankind has for an ideal universe. Thanks a lot you hippies. Now we’ll never get to drink and scissor all day. Regardless, I’m going to lay out some common scenarios which these huge pussies claim makes them feel awkward, and I’m going to explain how you how you can address these overwhelming surges of pussidom.

Are You A Roof Down Wanker?

14/5/2016

This article is a part of FoulENT's 30 Days of Stuff! Click here to read all 30 Days entries and be sure to come back every day in May for new stuff just like this!

There has been some sun in England this week. Almost immediately, dickheads and idiots rushed out of the house dressed in nothing but their best fake Reebok trainers to a beer garden so they can post on Facebook that they’re in a beer garden. Most of these people live in working class, under-privileged towns near to their manual labour jobs so an affordable pub is generally within walking distance. But for the triple-A assholes, there’s always the alternative: taking your convertible vehicle for a drive. These are known in the industry as 'roof down wankers' and you might be one. Here’s how you can find out:

Friday The 12th - A Neil DeGrasse Tyson Special

13/5/2016

This article is a part of FoulENT's 30 Days of Stuff! Click here to read all 30 Days entries and be sure to come back every day in May for new stuff just like this!

My research for these articles usually consists of me drinking Taurus and tweeting celebrities pictures of my sack, so I was as surprised as anyone when I actually came across something relevant. I found a quote about Friday the 13th while checking my tweets, and the person it came from was fat science Ghandi himself Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

Plenty Of Catfish: Genital Farm

9/5/2016

This article is a part of FoulENT's 30 Days of Stuff! Click here to read all 30 Days entries and be sure to come back every day in May for new stuff just like this!

Listen up you mother fuckers. The original and best series on Foul Ent is back to kick you in your teeth and have sex with your mothers. I don’t discriminate by looks, I will even sleep with the really good looking ones. When they realise that I’m the guy who wrote the first ever FoulENT article they will have my balls in their face before they realise that just one of my testes could choke a gorilla. Too late bitch. You started, so finish. Women are idiots.

But wait, there’s one woman who isn’t. Maybe because she’s not a woman. She’s a man and her name is me, and this man-woman is delving into a world no woman is safe from. On this Plenty of Catfish we’re going after the big bad. The .jpegs that men love to send and women love to pretend not to love to receive. The subject of great debate amongst easy women and uptight prudes the world over. What do they really think? Do women like them? Do women pretend not to like them so they don’t come across as slags? Does anyone care?

The Big Wank Theory: The Worst Show on TV

8/5/2016

This article is a part of FoulENT's 30 Days of Stuff! Click here to read all 30 Days entries and be sure to come back every day in May for new stuff just like this!

Big Bang Theory? More like Big Wank Theory! We spent the exact amount of time on that joke that Chuck Lorre does on an average episode of this literal human vomit. The Big Wank Theory is somehow the biggest show on TV, and even being elevated to this high stature hasn't made the show any good. In fact, it's made it worse. It is complete shit. Being forced to watch an episode of this is worse than being wrongly imprisoned in Guantanamo Bay, which is ironic, because this is probably used as a torture device there. But, what do we hate about this show, other than the creators, writing, direction, premise, cameos, themes, depiction of nerd culture, awards, fan base, popularity and financial success? The characters. Below are our thoughts on what makes these characters suck.

And trust us, they fucking suck.