• You are a hot woman who is dressing up as a nurse to sit on my boner
• No other exceptions
Maybe it’s because I’m old as fuck now, but seeing a man run around in a dress stopped being funny when I was about 14. Usually I wouldn’t care to stop and ask why, but this weekend I was in a particular critical mood so I did exactly that – I asked why. Why is a man in a dress considered funny? I asked and I couldn’t think of an answer. Is it the absurdity of the male temperament willingly engaging in an act usually reserved for women? Are we laughing with him for being “crazy” and daring to perform such a valiant act of defiance against social norms? Are we laughing at him for being a bell end? Is he an attention seeking twat? All of these?
Yet again, I’ve concluded that it can be boiled down to having no personality, therefore resorting to a shortcut to appear interesting. Boring.
Have you been to Download? He’s been to Upload.
Have you been to Reading? He’s been Writing.
Have you been to V? He’s been to Z.
He is the Festival Veteran, and he will make sure you endure several minutes of painful conversation. He walks alone because no one else wants to go with him. He goes to so many festivals that he’s comfortable with speaking shit to absolutely anyone who will listen. He is desensitised to basic social interactions because he spends 90% of his life on a campsite. He roams the grounds early in the morning because that’s when people are most susceptible to bullshit. His basic attack is to tell you this “this festival isn’t as good as X”, unaware that such an argument serves no real purpose. What are people supposed to do? “Yeah, you’re probably right. Fuck this festival! Let’s go to another one right now!” What a loser.
• Anyone hanging around a burger van wearing a t-shirt from last year’s festival
• “I wish X were playing this year”
• “You ever been bummed? By another man, that is.”
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment, known for Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Disagreevances. He's also responsible for the artistic design in our games.