Plenty of people give really valid reasons why organised religion is a bad thing. There are people who have done their research into why it is awful, and there are people who haven't. I'm not gonna go down the factual route. There is enough of that out there, if you wanted to read that you'd be reading The God Delusion and wanking like a gibbon when Richard Dawkins slaps down another Christian on YouTube. No, I'm gonna tell you why I hate religion.
Because it is fucking dull.
Ignore all of the rape advocating, gay bashing, genocide encouraging bollocks. Let's talk cold hard facts here. Going to church is shit. I have been to church, I even went to Sunday School. The only thing it taught me was that God is a bit of a self centred, self doubting twat and that it was boring. The only time it was really worth going was when Jenny Drinkwater was there. All that talk of how you will go to hell for every little thing you do, all that babbling on about how Jesus loves me and God can see me at all times. Well, if they are one and the same person, that means when I was 7 and I tried to bend my cock round to my arsehole, God was watching me and he loved me doing it. Yet me having a crafty tug at the bus station is enough for me to go to hell.
Fill your boots, Jim Lad.
Why Religion is Wank
Sunday school is the worst though. They attempt to be cool and appeal to your sense of fun, but really it is a dusty old hall where they have one board game to share: a 1970 edition of Cluedo and the priest shouts at you for fiddling with your balls. Mainly because he doesn't want you to get all revved up and go off early in his mouth after choir.
I hate going to the doctor. It is the worst thing in the world. I would genuinely rather be ill than have to go there. First you have to put up with being interrogated by the ex Sicherheitsdienst working on reception. If I wanted to tell an unqualified woman that my dick hurts when I piss in a crowded room full of geriatric old bags and Albanians, then I would go to the Bingo to have a gossip with Doris and Agatha. The training course to be a doctors receptionist lasts 5 minutes. A 7 foot bloke in hobnail boots kicks the woman square in the cunt as hard as he can, then he tells them to hold that face and hate the patients as much as they hate him.
Doctors Are Shit
I'd still have a go on her, though...
If you manage to pass the 23 stage interview and get an appointment to see the doctor, it is even worse. He looks at you like you are nothing more than a waste of his time. He asks you to describe your symptoms to him, which he diligently types into Google, then prescribes you some antibiotics and tells you to fuck off. That is the best case scenario though. The worst case scenario is that Google throws back no hits. That's when you hear the dreaded words, “Can my colleagues come in to have a look at this?” which if you are stupid enough to say yes includes at least 19 trainee nurses and that sour faced receptionist again. The only way it can get worse from here on in is when you find out they are naming a disease after you. Which leads me to offer a Valentine's Day tip; this does not hold the same amount of prestige as having a star named after your loved one. My Ex-Girlfriend, Sally Monella, is testament to this.
As my name suggests, I'm not the most tolerant or respectful of people. I hate a lot of things; some things are easy targets like religion and people who are different to me, like people with friends, or people who don't drink in the week. Others are much harder things to hate, like kittens and Subway.
Sub-no-fucking-way am I eating that shit.
I don't really understand the attempts to like everything by people. There is no reason to fucking like things, it might take more muscles to frown than it does to smile, but it takes a lot more muscles to skip around like a fat goth girl who has just tried ecstacy for the first time than it does to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. If you have to like things, then do it in Church with the rest of the boring receptionists.
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