First of all, it doesn’t bother me what you believe. If you believe that a black cat walking infront of you means that you’ve been marked for death, then I hope it’s true. Also, you’re an idiot. But I’m not judging, this year’s idiots are next year’s Pizza Hut workers, and I like Pizza Hut. As Jeff Goldblum said; life finds a way. Regardless, there’s another reason why Friday the 13th bullshit irritates me: it reduces an awesome horror franchise to a bandwagon which gets jumped on because people think they know what they’re talking about.
Borrowing someone else’s coat will give them AIDS.
‘No. Do you think I want AIDS?’
Riding a bike with no hands mean you are a wizard.
‘He is a wizard.’
Fingering someone in church will give you seven years good luck.
‘I fingered Jenny Brickhouse on the back pew last week. I guess I’ve evened it out’
‘That is cool.’
Women who are still single at 30 have been cursed by the Babylonian death god Ereshkigal.
‘I know. Personally I think she’s been cursed by the Babylonian death god Ereshkigal.’
‘It makes sense.’
Waiting longer than 90 minutes in an NHS Accident and Emergency ward means that whatever virus you originally had has doubled in size and now you have scurvy as well.
‘They should call us in soon.’
‘Yeah. But my virus has doubled in size and now I’ve got scurvy.’
‘I understand that NHS workers are overworked and underpaid and we grossly under-estimate their value in today’s society but they keep giving us scurvy.’
‘I think I’ve contracted a sand allergy’.
Putting staples in your eyelids makes your dick grow.
Seeing a woman driving a van is eternal bad luck.
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘She drives a van.’
See you next Friday the 13th!
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment and the author and deviser of Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main player on Disagreevances. He's also responsible for the bulk of the artistic design in our upcoming gaming department.