Regardless, it’s okay for such a psychologically flawed and obviously quite troubled character to exist because he’s hot and fictional. But what about people in real life who don’t have this guy’s chiselled face and unrealistically large bank account, but still have some bizarre sexual perversions which they’re compelled to act out? Well, luckily, I’ve found quite a few of those types over at good old Plenty of Fish.
#4 - The Foot Fetish
This particular fetish, to me at least, doesn't seem too bizarre because it’s the attraction to a body part as opposed to an act, is therefore not dissimilar to attraction towards chests, vaginas or cocks. But these are predominantly sexual organs, whereas the feet aren't. So where does this come from? There are a shitload of different theories as to why this, but the majority of them have a few things in common. The most plausible theory being that a foot fetish is the subconscious fear of STDs. In short, the sole (ha) reason that our brains believe that feet are sexy is to protect us during a time when disease is prevalent. What this means is that when Jules and Vincent are discussing whether eating a bitch out and giving her a foot massage is in the same fuckin’ league, this was really Tarantino’s way of confronting his fear of AIDS.
#3 - Voyeurism
I've received a handful of messages from people asking if I’d be interested in performing while they simply sit around and watch. First of all, you wouldn't ask this of Sting. You wouldn't even ask it of Big Tone, the cross dressing clown who works at IKEA on Saturdays for a little extra cash. In exchange for a service, I require some form of incentive to perform said service. I saw Penn & Teller a few weeks ago, and I'm pretty sure they don’t do it just because they love juggling with broken bottles.
From my experience, voyeurism goes hand in hand with being unfaithful to your spouse. A quick Google search of voyeurism and cheating brings up the obvious question of ‘is voyeurism cheating?’, the likes of which only Woman Savers and Yahoo Answers are qualified to answer. But I think we can solve this one. The way I think of it is; I have never been to the theatre in my life. I hear all these people go on about how good the theatre is and ‘oh, you SO need to see this play at the theatre’ but to me, the idea of going to theatre to see something which can be told via film without losing any artistic merit is bullshit. There ARE some things which live performances can enhance, and these things are: wrestling, magic shows, and that’s it. Also, I can pause something on TV, I can’t pause a play.
#2 - Being Submissive
Luckily, I knew my friend’s childhood quite well, and this made perfect sense from a psychological perspective. He had an unhappy childhood with no clear father figure. He’d had several traumatic experiences which involved having to submit to women’s urges, and had formed an unhealthy attachment to one particular woman in his life. All things which contribute to the psychological make-up of a submissive male.
As our previously mentioned Fifty Shades of Grey would have us believe, every woman on earth has a secret desire to be dominated. This is of course untrue. Only 57% of women want it. Which leads us nicely into...
#1 - Anal Sex
Anal sex, then, is mostly associated with gay men, which is fair enough. But I'm looking into why straight people do it too. Surveys tell us that in recent years, one third of sexually active women have tried it, and this figure is an increase from 20 years ago. Worrying, some might say. After some research which has made me really need to shower, we can deduce that anal sex for a man is an act of dominance. For such an activity to occur, a woman is basically reducing her body to a sexual object, eliminating any possible biological consequence. Anal sex, then, is a purely physical act. Sex at its most raw.
So then, MatchstickEyes, you want to dominate, huh? Well, on second thoughts, maybe not. Further research on the desire to invade the Gary Glitter suggests intimacy issues.
Sorry, dude. You’re not the man for me.
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment and the author and deviser of Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Foul Fiction. He's also responsible for the bulk of the artistic design in our upcoming gaming department.