I believe it was Abraham Lincoln who said...
Let that sink in for a moment. Maybe, for a brief second, you did just entertain the idea that maybe Abraham Lincoln made such a prophetic statement over a hundred years before the internet was invented, or maybe you’re one of the clever types who saw the point I was trying to make almost immediately. While it is true that during Lincoln’s existence he didn't even have access to dial up speeds, it is also true that the human brain is inclined to believe whatever crock of shit is fed to them, regardless of context.
It is through this psychological phenomenon that such wondrous myths and bullshit have manifested in the collective subconscious. It is through this that almost four million people a day still believe what they read in the Daily Mail, why experts still wrongly tell us that we swallow insects in our sleep, and why my Mom told me yesterday that full fat milk will give me cancer.
It is through this psychological phenomenon that such wondrous myths and bullshit have manifested in the collective subconscious. It is through this that almost four million people a day still believe what they read in the Daily Mail, why experts still wrongly tell us that we swallow insects in our sleep, and why my Mom told me yesterday that full fat milk will give me cancer.
She read it here.
This begs the question; why do we believe everything we read? And how does it relate to catfishing? Read on to find out.
Ladies and gentleman, this series of articles will document my highs and lows in the world of pretend online dating. My name is Laura, a 24 year old brunette woman with a fetish for mucus and being zebra’d. I will make it clear to all but the most gullible that I am, in fact, NOT who I say I am. But for some, the idea of a woman requesting such horrific things with no consequence is too good an offer for them to believe otherwise. I present to you: Plenty of Catfish.
Disclaimer: I understand that there are many people out there genuinely looking for a partner using such websites, and this series of articles is NOT aimed at those people. I, in no way, aim to lead people on for the sole purpose of emotional trauma or grief. I am careful with my selection process to only choose people who willingly admit they are only looking for casual sex, and I have a vetting procedure to make sure that this is true (which won’t be uploaded for everyone to see). If any people ask me outright if I really am who I say I am, then I am honest and tell them the truth.
And with that, let’s begin:
The Curious Case of BeerNBongs
Within minutes of stepping into the world of POF as a reasonably attractive woman, I was greeted with multiple messages consisting of either of ‘hi’ or ‘u ok?’. I’m not sure how many women enjoy this type of generic banter, but I wanted my Romeo to at least put in a bit of effort, maybe something original and unique? Low and behold, that’s when BeerNBongs waddled unsteadily into my life.
Disclaimer: I understand that there are many people out there genuinely looking for a partner using such websites, and this series of articles is NOT aimed at those people. I, in no way, aim to lead people on for the sole purpose of emotional trauma or grief. I am careful with my selection process to only choose people who willingly admit they are only looking for casual sex, and I have a vetting procedure to make sure that this is true (which won’t be uploaded for everyone to see). If any people ask me outright if I really am who I say I am, then I am honest and tell them the truth.
And with that, let’s begin:
The Curious Case of BeerNBongs
Within minutes of stepping into the world of POF as a reasonably attractive woman, I was greeted with multiple messages consisting of either of ‘hi’ or ‘u ok?’. I’m not sure how many women enjoy this type of generic banter, but I wanted my Romeo to at least put in a bit of effort, maybe something original and unique? Low and behold, that’s when BeerNBongs waddled unsteadily into my life.
PlentyOfFilth
The answer, at its most basic, can be reduced to a few sentences. We are more inclined to believe something if it appears to be a convincing argument. I personally have very little interest in football, and when a colleague tells me that Queens Park Rangers are the best football team in the Shit Smeared Handicap League, I’m inclined to believe him because I don’t care enough to check the facts. When my friend tells me that there’s going to be a side quest in the new Elder Scrolls game which involves getting tanked up beating your wife, I’m inclined to believe him because that would be awesome. This latter one in particular is an example of a phenomenon you may have heard of known as 'confirmation bias', a tendency to believe what we read only if it confirms our preconceptions on the subject at hand. Which brings me to the point of this article:
Sex.
Ask anyone over the age of 18 what they think of sex and the answer will be largely universal; sex is pretty awesome. That’s a statement we can all agree with, no manipulation or psychological duping required. But if we throw in a vague sexual statement, mix it up with a little confirmation bias, spread it across the front page of the Daily Mail and mix it all up into a froth which looks suspiciously like jizz, that’s when people really start believing whatever shit is thrown at them. I wanted to test this notion, but of course, I didn’t have access to a readership of four million, and I only really wanted access to the gullible perverts within that demographic. So I scoured the seedy back streets of the internet in search of the nastiest, most deranged subcultures in existence today. Finally, under the orange street lamp of my Firefox window it appeared to me: Plenty of Fish. The most perverted website I could find.
Sex.
Ask anyone over the age of 18 what they think of sex and the answer will be largely universal; sex is pretty awesome. That’s a statement we can all agree with, no manipulation or psychological duping required. But if we throw in a vague sexual statement, mix it up with a little confirmation bias, spread it across the front page of the Daily Mail and mix it all up into a froth which looks suspiciously like jizz, that’s when people really start believing whatever shit is thrown at them. I wanted to test this notion, but of course, I didn’t have access to a readership of four million, and I only really wanted access to the gullible perverts within that demographic. So I scoured the seedy back streets of the internet in search of the nastiest, most deranged subcultures in existence today. Finally, under the orange street lamp of my Firefox window it appeared to me: Plenty of Fish. The most perverted website I could find.
Being a man in my late 20’s with a reasonable upbringing, this ‘street’ talk was alien to me. Although if I was to fit in amongst such people, I had to at least try and be on their wavelength. So, like the world’s worst undercover police officer, I tried my best:
I didn’t know how such a person would take my remarks. But to be honest, I wasn’t happy with him questioning my tightness.
This was going to go one of two ways. Either this would degenerate into a rap war or I’d have to tell him straight up.
It was a full on two days before I heard from BeerNBongs again. I like to think that he had time to reflect on the extremely forward nature of his earlier messages, and had since used this experience to become a better person.
Or not. Myself on the other hand, had used my first few days as a woman to learn and soak up as much information about the more dominant sex as I could. I used to think being a woman was just waiting around until Mr Perfect dropped at your feet. After all, if men are endlessly swarming around you all day like you’re the gleaming corpse of an un-looted boss then surely one of them must be an ideal mate? Turns out it’s a little harder than it looks. From now on, maybe I won’t take my girlfriend for granted. Maybe that Elder Scrolls side quest involving beating your wife won’t be as fun next time I masturbate to it. Maybe I will give BeerNBongs another chance.
Changed my mind. My search continues.
On next week’s Plenty of Catfish: I run into my old friend of mine named Jeff who is now calling himself, Loveking60, apparently!
On next week’s Plenty of Catfish: I run into my old friend of mine named Jeff who is now calling himself, Loveking60, apparently!
By Joe Turner
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment and the author and deviser of Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Foul Fiction. He's also responsible for the bulk of the artistic design in our upcoming gaming department.
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment and the author and deviser of Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Foul Fiction. He's also responsible for the bulk of the artistic design in our upcoming gaming department.