Foul ENT

  • Home
  • Blogs
  • Podcasts
  • Videos
  • News shorts
  • About
  • Contact
  • Home
  • Blogs
  • Podcasts
  • Videos
  • News shorts
  • About
  • Contact

Plenty of Catfish - On Cheating

12/1/2015

0 Comments

 
A friend of mine once told me; "it’s not cheating if you don’t cum". I’ll let you be the judge as to whether this statement is the poetic ideology of a sexual genius, or the abhorrent justifications of a cheating asshole. We can all agree that cheating is universally regarded as a bad thing, although some statistics might have you believe the otherwise. Not to mention that defining cheating is probably more hassle than actually doing it. However, my philanderous friend raises a good question in where does the line between monogamy and cheating end? What about the annual kiss I have to give my Mom at Christmas? What about the weekly kiss I give your mom on her FUPA? What I'm asking is; is there a clear, distinct moment when it becomes clear, like in Bridget Jones? Or is it interpretive and blurry, like in Terminator 2?
Picture
Pictured: the clear distinction between monogamy and cheating in western culture
To answer this question with some degree of authority, I consulted with some of my new friends over at Plenty of Fish. Hit the 'Read more' button to find out what they have to say about cheating.
Now before we go into detail, I’ll tell you a story of how the inspiration for this article came about.

I've spent the majority of my working life doing menial tasks in shitty offices for incredibly uninteresting companies.  Steel, paper, waste disposal, kitchen appliances, fasteners, car cleaning materials, bird medication, used car showrooms and supermarket bag distribution are about half of the industries I've worked in at some point. It will come as no surprise that my motivation to work in these places was primarily financial as opposed to a love of just doing things to pass the time. During this period I was in my late teens and early twenties when all I wanted to do was play music in bands and kill dragons on World of Warcraft and the idea of a career was an alien prospect. I came across similarly-minded people throughout these jobs, which served only to reinforce my contempt for such a lifestyle.

However, while I was working at a place which sold kitchen appliances as a front for running illegal porn websites (not a joke) I became friends a lovely, middle aged man with a wife and three children. We’ll call this man Jeff, because that happens to be his real name. Jeff was incredibly happy with his life, it seemed. He was financially capable enough to be able to work a low paying job and still support his family, and didn't rely on any form of benefits. On the surface, Jeff appeared to be a likeable, well-rounded gentleman. One day, Jeff surprised me by outright confessing that he regularly cheats on his wife with multiple women, after letting it slip that he loves "...putting a thumb down the poo pipe, but never with the wife". I questioned his motives for such infidelity, of course, but Jeff was adamant that he loved doing it and would continue to do it for the remainder of his marriage. The company we worked at soon went into administration so me and everyone else went our separate ways.

Cut to seven years later, and here I sit with a message from the very same Jeff in my inbox. But it’s not me he’s messaging, it’s a girl on Plenty of Fish named Laura who just happens to also be me. I can’t deny that I feel a smug satisfaction at the possibilities which have opened up, and I'm kind of reminded of the scene in Goldeneye when Sean Bean reveals himself to be the Janus Syndicate leader to Pierce Brosnan, mostly because it’s an awesome scene and nothing to do with what I'm talking about.
Picture
Picture
Jeez, talk about an opportunity. But in my head, all I can think is that this is a man with all the hallmarks of a real person. He’s not a bad man, and I’ve kept up to date with his life on Facebook like the world’s worst stalker. If this was a man who didn’t have three daughters and a wife, I would have taken him to manipulation town for the amusement of anyone reading this. But this time, I just couldn’t do it.
Jeff was understandably reluctant to tell me anything other than ‘looking to see where things go,’ or ‘depends if I meet the right person’. In order to get some information out of him I had to drop a truth bomb.
This was my golden opportunity to try and convince this man that he had no reason to be a serial cheater, given everything he had. A lot of times people will cite cheating as an addiction, and most of the time those people will be talking shit. Although I hadn't spoken personally with this man for several years, I believed I knew enough about him to declare that he wasn't addicted to anything.
Picture
Picture
I couldn't leave it there. I had more digging to do.
Picture
By that logic, I've never cheated on Metallica, but I digress.

Our conversation went back and forth with him being reluctant to say anything which could condemn him further, and me using vague analogies in order to convince him I was on his wavelength. Surprisingly, it didn’t work. But I did notice something; Jeff hadn’t been online for nearly a week. There were two reasons for this: either he was hiding low because he was scared I knew too much, or he’d blocked me. I took the last course of action before admitting defeat.

Picture
Surprise surprise, I get this response:
Picture
In all honesty I was slightly gutted, I was kind of hoping Jeff had learnt his lesson; that playing with fire will eventually melt your cock off. Anyway I didn’t text him, I had no intention of carrying this on any further. This thing had been an experiment in how far a man will go for sex, despite the ridiculous risks involved. 

Come the next evening, I found this in my inbox:
Picture
So, in my best attempt at a Michael Caine style voiceover epilogue, I sent him a final farewell.
Picture
And for good measure:
Picture
On a personal note, Jeff was an important factor in motivating me to become a better person. I was perplexed that on the surface he appeared to be a perfect husband with a picturesque life, but kept something sinister from the people he loved the most. It was him that peaked my interest in the human psyche and pushed me to finish my psychology degree. So in a way, I guess I owe Jeff a thank you.

On next week’s Plenty of Catfish: No more of this emotional garbage. I'm going balls out wind-up on a guy who wants to poke a tranny. Until next time!

Picture
By Joe Turner
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment and the author and deviser of Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Foul Fiction. He's also responsible for the bulk of the artistic design in our upcoming gaming department.

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Blogs

    You can find all of our articles right here. Use the menus below to sort by date, author or series.

    Also, click the buttons below to explore our social network antics.

    Articles

    All
    30 Days Of Stuff
    5 Days With...
    Articles By Abdurahman
    Articles By Darren
    Articles By Frank King
    Articles By Jary
    Articles By Joe
    Articles By Mike
    Ask Jary
    Code Club
    Danke-bitte
    Deaf To All But Metal
    Death Of Video Games
    E3 2015
    E3 2016
    Foul Fantasy Devblog
    Foul-To's
    Friday The 12th
    General Foulection
    Jary Files
    Plenty Of Catfish
    Podcasts
    Pop Culture Club
    Rider Report
    Site News
    Star Wars Week
    #Tagurday
    WWE Stats 2019

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    June 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015

© Foul Entertainment, 2015 - 2022
​
​