A woman I know recently gave me two pieces of advice. One; ‘if I don’t leave my past in the past, it will destroy my future,’ and ‘live for what today has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away.’
The woman in question was a Facebook friend of mine. I say was, because I immediately unfriended her and then sent her a picture of something more useful than her advice; my sack.
Such a situation will feel familiar to the intellectually capable amongst you. Social media-dwelling fuckheads mindlessly sharing ‘inspirational’ quotations is not a new phenomenon. They often come in the form of an image, accompanied with a backdrop of stars or a beach or a waterfall, while the advice being offered is usually an afterthought. Most quotes are useless metaphors or analogies, completely un-relatable to by most people. Very few of them consider context, consequence or situation, therefore rendering the majority of them meaningless. For example, let’s look at the quote my ex-friend offered me:
Could someone explain to me how not leaving my past in the past destroy my future? If anything, the past is the sole element which improves your future. We should have learnt from things which went wrong, built up experience in areas which we want to explore further. I learnt how to drive in the past, so should I just abandon the ability to drive? When I get pulled over for driving fifteen miles per hour on a motorway, should I tell the arresting officer that I purposely forgot how to drive, in case it destroyed my future? Or I could tell him that I was simply living for today, and that yesterday has taken away my ability to drive, because it’s in the past? Great advice, asshole. I’ve listened to you once and already I’m walking along a motorway after having my car towed by the police. In short, this quote is bullshit and anyone who shares it should be electrocuted.
Without getting personal, which I definitely will, the woman who offered me this unsolicited advice was an overweight, single, stay-at-home mother of three. She lives in a council house in a rough British estate, and I’ve seen her on more than one occasion trying to sell make-up products to her friends (but that's a whole different story). Therefore, this begs the question:
Who are you to try and inspire me?
Who are you to try and inspire me?
I don’t mean this in a big-headed way. What makes you think you have the intellectual superiority to offer me advice at all? Is your wisdom so profound that you assume everyone wants to know the secret to your ‘success’? Do you think we’ve never heard advice from anyone else before? Do you assume we’re incapable of seeking out our own inspiration? In most cases, the person posting this nonsense isn’t anything special. In fact, they’re usually the opposite: idiots. The advice they’re offering (or more likely plagiarising) is nothing we don’t already know. This mindless posting of ‘advice’ irks me so much is because by sharing it at all, the sharer instantly assumes a position of superiority over the reader. In their heads they are sitting cross-legged on a carpet in front of Wembley-sized imaginary audience, all of whom are repeatedly clicking refresh in case Ghandi V.20 decides to drip-feed a piece of their profound understanding of how the world works.
But wait, you might be saying, aren’t people sharing these inspirational quotes to motivate themselves?
I see that this is a valid argument against my case, however, I believe the answer is a big fat fucking no.
You see, there is a type of person associated with the mass sharing of this bullshit. This person is known as the Step Towards Enlightenment Insufferable Facebook Asshole. A person who wishes to use social media to satisfy narcissistic urges and to craft an image of themselves greater than the one they perceive exists outside of the virtual world. The likelihood of this type of person sharing a motivational quote because they think it would genuinely benefit someone else is very slim. Their thought process will follow the lines of; if I share an inspirational quote about achieving wealth, my perceived audience will deduce that I have achieved wealth. I will never need to justify my claim. I will never need to expand on the claim. And so they click the share button.
Image Credit: smosh.com
Not only that, despite them being an insufferable dipshit, which they definitely are, there is evidence to suggest that the type of person who posts motivational quotes is also more likely to believe in conspiracy theories, hold deep religious beliefs, or just have plain lower levels of intelligence. It could be theorised that filling one’s Facebook page with these quotes is, at its core, a defence mechanism against a life they feel is becoming void of meaning, and if this is true, let’s consider the implications:
- Person posts a motivational quote on Facebook, perhaps suggesting that we are all unique snowflakes destined to float across the earth, but always return to our roots.
- This person is either A) fulfilling a narcissistic urge, B) crafting an image of themselves they prefer to their actual selves, or C) is unhappy with their life as they perceive it.
- Whilst fulfilling A, B or C, the person has concurrently assumed a position of superiority over their audience, subjecting them to meaningless wisdom which no one asked for.
- This person is immediately unfriended, and sent a picture of my sack.
There is a reason why most inspirational sayings are often attributed to actors, musicians, scientists, authors, artists or philosophers. These people have achieved something, thus validating their opinion on the subject of reaching your goals or improving your life’s worth. If I’m seeking advice, I’m seeking it from someone who is qualified to give it. I will happily let a billionaire tell me how to get a shit tonne of money, just as I will happily let Magic Johnson teach me how to jump really high. I won’t take mortgage advice from someone who lives in a bin, and I won’t take life advice from someone who can’t take any the above into consideration before they click ‘share’.
When Boring John tells me that I will ‘miss 100% of the shots I don’t take’, I will tell him to come back to me when he isn’t working in a supermarket in his mid 30’s. Not only that, but in order to justify his authority on the advice he has offered, he needs to be able to provide anecdotal evidence that he has experienced an event relatable to the quote personally. This means explaining specifically what the ‘shot’ was, the implications involved, the consequences risked, the conclusion, the after-effects, and how the benefits outweighed the cost.
Or, you could spend five seconds thinking about the statement in the first place until you realise that it’s not a shot if you don’t take it, is it?
The next time someone posts a motivational quote, ask yourself a question. Is this person a unique snowflake, or an insufferable, conspiracy theoring, image crafting, deeply religious, depressed, empty-headed, deluded, intellectually-superior assuming asshole who should be sent a picture of my sack?
By Joe Turner
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment, known for Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Disagreevances. He's also responsible for the artistic design in our games.
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment, known for Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Disagreevances. He's also responsible for the artistic design in our games.
