There are a lot of reasons to have issues with politics and politicians in particular. There are also a lot of reasons to feel disenfranchised from voting. I'm here to help you feel even more out of touch with the people who will potentially run our country.
Labour, while still despicable, are on face value at least, a little more likeable than UKIP and the Tories. Before I get to the meat and drink of the issue, there is one thing that really pisses me off. Ed Milliband's fucking voice. Like Jeremy Beadle's fucking face before it, it just has something about it that really pisses people off. It's that constant blocked sinus sound. I can't trust a man who earns that much money and can't get hold of some Nasonex.
Labour, while still despicable, are on face value at least, a little more likeable than UKIP and the Tories. Before I get to the meat and drink of the issue, there is one thing that really pisses me off. Ed Milliband's fucking voice. Like Jeremy Beadle's fucking face before it, it just has something about it that really pisses people off. It's that constant blocked sinus sound. I can't trust a man who earns that much money and can't get hold of some Nasonex.
Anyway, on with more pressing matters.
If you look at the Labour website, specifically the issues they plan to tackle, they talk a good game. The thing that stands out to me though is this.
“We will undo the damage the Tories have done”
This is the problem I have with politics, it's all fucking point scoring. They talk about undoing the bedroom tax, but they call it 'David Cameron's Bedroom Tax', like his band are a support act for Slash. Which is ridiculous because if he was in a band it would be called 'Hypothermia'. Because hypothermia kills old people.
“We will undo the damage the Tories have done”
This is the problem I have with politics, it's all fucking point scoring. They talk about undoing the bedroom tax, but they call it 'David Cameron's Bedroom Tax', like his band are a support act for Slash. Which is ridiculous because if he was in a band it would be called 'Hypothermia'. Because hypothermia kills old people.
I've got my ticket!
I am only going to cover three of the main 'issues' Labour plan on addressing, mainly because there are three of us writing this piece and I have already hit about 300 words in my introduction alone.
An End to the Gagging Law
The Gagging Law is the name given to the Lobbying Act by the media, so that us stupid common folk know what it means. In short, it stops lobbying during election periods. It's definitely a very good thing that they intend to end it. It's also more point scoring, being done to reverse what the previous government had done, rather than because they believe so heavily in free speech. I don't want to go into the Gagging Law, that is for Joe to talk about. I will go into Labour's reform, however. They intend to repeal the Tories change to campaigning rules, which stops charities speaking out (Good). They intend to speak to charities and lobby groups to ensure that the reform allows both transparency and freedom of speech (Good). And finally, they will make the lobbying industry more transparent by introducing a universal register of all professional lobbyists backed by a code of conduct and sanctions.
Image Credit: belfasttelegraph.co.uk
This might be the wrong kind of gagging law - Mike
Call me cynical Uncle Roger who still doesn't believe The Queen is real, but isn't that last part just a fancy way of saying “if you step out of line we will shut you the fuck up” as opposed to the current “just shut the fuck up, then you can't step out of line” law? I'm all for the lobbying industry being regulated a little more, the cigarette companies especially, but to say you are going to do one thing and then just blatantly give yourself an out for when (if) you get in power as obviously as that, really doesn't fill me with confidence as to Labour sticking to their promises. It's like paying £50 for unprotected anal and then her pimp jumps out of the wardrobe and bums you. It was kind of what you paid for, but definitely not what you wanted.
Repeal David Cameron's Health and Social Care Act
Welcome to David Cameron's Health and Social Care Act, otherwise known as The Cock and Bulls Friday night open-mic spectacular. Repealing all of the acts that the government have spent five years putting in place, it seems that all that keeps happening is that each time a government changes they reverse what the previous one did, whether good or bad. This one, I do agree with; the NHS should be saved. It is a good thing. We don't want to go down the American route where only the rich get proper care.
Image Credit: thescore.com
UK viewers had no idea how accurate this character was.
I just think that saying that we want to improve the NHS and keep it how it is, is enough to get your point across. It doesn't need to turn into a pathetic point scoring exercise. It's like high school. David Cameron has Jeremy Clarkson on his side so Ed Milliband has asked his mate Steve Coogan to help. It won't be long until they are meeting by the church after school and Jezza will get Steve in a headlock while Dave is aiming pathetic overhand punches at him, but accidentally catches Jeremy in the head. It's all fucking pathetic.
Labour Will Scrap The Bedroom Tax
The bedroom tax is ridiculous. It's yet another example of the rich fucking the poor. There is a lot of benefit fiddling goes on, but let's not kid ourselves; it's not a massive issue from a financial perspective. In 2012 it cost £26.9 million. Tax avoidance costs in the billions. This is a clever one from a Labour perspective. They are agreeing with the sweeping changes that the Tories made to the benefit system. They're changing one big talking point, but leaving the rest well alone.
Image Credit: pinterest.com
Try taxing this bedroom, you twats.
They're also not making any promises about chasing down tax avoidance big time. Why? Because all of those lovely donations companies make to their party might soon dry up. This is a red herring. It's to make you think they care, but they don't. They're in it for themselves too.
I haven't gone massively in depth on any of the issues, but there is a reason for that. It's because I don't trust what they say in the first place. Promises are rarely kept when it comes to politics and I don't believe that the Labour party are any different. How a man who has never actually done a days proper work in his life can be in charge of the working party makes less sense than sticking my cock and balls into a drawer and slamming it. I find it very hard to pick a side when it comes to voting this election, it's like choosing between three kicks in the head or four.
I don't want any of them to be in power, and neither should you.
I haven't gone massively in depth on any of the issues, but there is a reason for that. It's because I don't trust what they say in the first place. Promises are rarely kept when it comes to politics and I don't believe that the Labour party are any different. How a man who has never actually done a days proper work in his life can be in charge of the working party makes less sense than sticking my cock and balls into a drawer and slamming it. I find it very hard to pick a side when it comes to voting this election, it's like choosing between three kicks in the head or four.
I don't want any of them to be in power, and neither should you.
By The Cunt
Email The Cunt
A hidden face of the crew, The Cunt is main coder for Foul Entertainment games. He is currently documenting the progress of our game, Foul Fantasy, in his dev blogs.
Email The Cunt
A hidden face of the crew, The Cunt is main coder for Foul Entertainment games. He is currently documenting the progress of our game, Foul Fantasy, in his dev blogs.