Back in the early noughties, I was a young Computer Science student. I was in the lab one day, reading Maddox (When it used to be funny) instead of writing my ground-breaking library database program. By ground-breaking, I mean it was text based and it did what it needed to and had no bugs. Which in the modern software landscape is pretty fucking ground-breaking. Anyway, a really tall ugly fella who I used to play pool with walked over to me. “Cunty, you have got to see this. It is hilarious!”, he said.
What followed was possibly the strangest thing I have seen in my life. This was, for me, the beginning of the end.
What followed was possibly the strangest thing I have seen in my life. This was, for me, the beginning of the end.
That monstrosity made little sense. It was just a random collection of images and a very strange song. Now, being as I am a humour connoisseur, I don't get what is fucking funny about this. Humour needs one of three things to work.
- Wit: Wit is a lost art. Wit is replying “I remember” when someone says "I'm a country member". Wit is cutting someone down with intelligence. Wit is not shouting “Ya dicked” to a cacophonous roar from all around. Wit is not saying “Pie” at random intervals. Wit rarely exists any more, and when it does it isn't appreciated. Random replies have killed that.
- Surprise: Something coming at you unexpectedly, taking you by complete surprise. Not only is it pant-shittingly scary, it is also as funny as fuck. This is an area where random does sometimes come to the fore. Unfortunately, because they use it so often, the surprise dies.
- Shock: I know what you're thinking; Shock and surprise are the same thing. You fucking open headed mongoloid. No, shock is saying or doing something shocking. Like if your blind next door neighbour pisses you off, so you murder his dog and ask if he sees things your way now. That is shock.
Image Credit: momentumbooks.com.au
It's better off this way. There's only so many times you watch a bloke shit on the floor before you go mental and rip his jugular out.
These three things are the corner stone of all humour. When combined with the secret fourth ingredient, timing, we have what makes things funny. There is a lot of personal opinion when it comes to being funny. Not everyone has the same tastes, which is why we have sitcoms ranging from the sledgehammer like Bottom, to the more thoughtful like Frasier, to the biting intelligence of Arrested Development. They all have a place, and contrary to what you may think even random humour has a place. No, the problem I have with random humour isn't that it's objectively shit. It's that it has made everyone think they are a fucking comedian.
You only have to see Twitter to see a world of cunts trying their hardest to troll people, because ever since random humour became a thing, they think they're funny now. Randomness gives the boring people of the world a voice. Instead of sitting in their room wondering why no-one is interested in their thoughts on the 2007 recall of millions of Thomas the Tank Engine wooden toys, they take to twitter to type in their biggest letters “PIE FUCKING” at random Z-List celebrities. They do this to rapturous applause from the rest of their boring friends who are suddenly comedy geniuses.
You only have to see Twitter to see a world of cunts trying their hardest to troll people, because ever since random humour became a thing, they think they're funny now. Randomness gives the boring people of the world a voice. Instead of sitting in their room wondering why no-one is interested in their thoughts on the 2007 recall of millions of Thomas the Tank Engine wooden toys, they take to twitter to type in their biggest letters “PIE FUCKING” at random Z-List celebrities. They do this to rapturous applause from the rest of their boring friends who are suddenly comedy geniuses.
@KerryKatona7 PIE FUCKING.
— Mike Owen (@ThatMikeOwen) May 5, 2015
Image Credit: discovermagazine.com
Only a complete cunt would do that.
I have no problem with people who aren't funny trying to be funny and failing, fuck no. James Corden has been trying for years and has somehow made a career out of it. The problem I have is that everyone is doing it. The internet is awash with wannabe comedians spouting random words hoping that they will be the next Salad Fingers, as though that is any different to being mentally ill.
It's not only twitter though, there are hundreds of websites that just make no sense. Chock full of videos with cats dancing to electro. Everyone has the impetus to make a website. Everyone has the ability. And everyone has the ability to check out a thesaurus and throw random words onto a page. That's how it starts. It isn't that the content isn't to my liking that I dislike. It's that zero effort goes into it.
It's not only twitter though, there are hundreds of websites that just make no sense. Chock full of videos with cats dancing to electro. Everyone has the impetus to make a website. Everyone has the ability. And everyone has the ability to check out a thesaurus and throw random words onto a page. That's how it starts. It isn't that the content isn't to my liking that I dislike. It's that zero effort goes into it.
Not everyone is gonna like everything, but if you can't be fucking bothered to try and be original and interesting, then I sure as fuck can't be bothered to read what you write. If you fail, you fail. Just writing 'PIE' over and over again, isn't trying though. Next time you write or animate or draw something that took to a minute to think of, stop. Take some time and actually put some effort in making something that actually has some worth.
By The Cunt
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A hidden face of the crew, The Cunt is main coder for Foul Entertainment games. He is currently documenting the progress of our game, Foul Fantasy, in his dev blogs.
Email The Cunt
A hidden face of the crew, The Cunt is main coder for Foul Entertainment games. He is currently documenting the progress of our game, Foul Fantasy, in his dev blogs.