Pssstt....Yeah, I'm talking to you.
While that dozy cunt Frank is away, playing with himself in the toilet, I've got something to tell you. I'm dalecooper57, sole blogger and writer at Diary of an Internet Nobody. You know, the silly twat who insists on doing all his writing, photography, animation, music and editing on his bloody smartphone, because he's too skint to get a laptop.
Except I'm not, am I?
No, my name is Guy Thair, the whole dalecooper57 thing is just some bollocks I made up to start a blog with and it kind of stuck.
I know, I don't believe it either. I hadn't written a thing until I started a blog four years ago and now I'm publishing my first novel! And I didn't even do it on purpose, that's what's so fucking amazing. I was writing short stories, using one word prompts from another blogger each week, just for a laugh really. It didn't seem too difficult, it's only making shit up and writing it down, after all. So I kept on doing that; one weird little story a week, mainly to entertain myself, until the week I found the prompt was "Stuff".
I started writing this thing called The Wrong Stuff, without really knowing where it was going (just like all the others, making shit up as I went along) and when it didn't look like I was going to finish it, I decided to continue it with whatever the following week's prompt was. Long story short; I eventually did that 35 times and suddenly realised I'd accidentally written a 50,000 word novel. I sent it to a publisher, just to see if they'd be interested enough to make it worth my while fucking about with it for ages.
They wrote back and said they'd take it as it was, if I corrected a couple of typos. Oh, and could I do the cover art, too? Cheeky fuckers.
So I did the cover, I fucked about getting all my blog posts into a Word document (all on my phone, remember) and I sent it to the publisher.
You don't really need me to spell it out for you, do you? Plucky-outsider-comes-good-against-all-the-odds-rags-to-(hopefully)-riches-story-to-warm-your-hearts type fing, innit? Oh, for fuck's sake... Buy the book, ok. Please? It's bloody good. It's a mystery thriller with a twist of sci-fi, complete with; Villains! Thugs! Violence! Swearing! Action!
Here's the cover and some all-important shopping links.
America and everywhere else
Right, I'm off before wanker Frank comes back. You ain't seen me, right...