I love conspiracy theories I do. There is nothing better than reading why the twin towers definitely weren't blown up by planes and why President Obama is actually Sarah Palin blacked up. We all know the classics, but what about the smaller ones that fall through the cracks? These five conspiracy theories are the conspiracy theories that conspiracy theorists conspiracy theorise about.
1. Dr Dre Isn't Real
We all know Dr Dre. That fun loving scamp, that rascal inventor of gangsters. The guy who sold some truly overpriced ear phones to Apple. Did you know though, that he didn't exist? In the late 80s Eric Roll, the chairman of the steering committee for the Bilberberg Group decided that they needed something else to keep black people down. Not content with inventing crack and having the police shoot them for no reason, they needed something else. They came up with Dr Dre. Every time it looks like black people are going to stop shooting each other in the projects, Dr Dre manages to get even richer. Have you ever wondered why? It's so that the gangsta rap lifestyle remains a goal. If Dre can make it, so can I. Have you ever noticed how Obama and Dr Dre have never been seen at the same time? Think about it sheeple.
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2. Dancing Was Invented By The Banks
In the 1800s people weren't spending enough money. They spent within their means, there was no need for loans, or banks. The Rothschilds were going under, they had been born with a natural predilection for not working and they didn't want to start. They needed a way to increase their fortune without lifting a fucking finger. So they invented dancing. I know what you're thinking, how does dancing increase spending? It increases spending because no-one can dance sober. The poor of the world began spending all of their money on booze. They got drunker and drunker, danced more and more and the Rothschilds became the head of the Illumninati. Think this is bullshit? Just look at your bank balance after a night out. Every single emergency overdraft fee you have ever spent is testament to how dancing is the bankers dream.
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3. Anti-Vaccine Campaigners were Invented by the Government
It's well known that the world is becoming over crowded. The Government have tried a lot of things to get rid of people, like hurricanes and explosions. They have worked, but only in small doses. They needed a new way to murder hordes of people. So they invented the anti-vaccine movement. From their point of view, it is a genius move. The only people who will believe it are fucking idiots. So the only people who will die from the multitude of diseases they are not protected from are fucking idiots. Remember, the next time you see an anti-vaccer they probably have whooping cough and will be dead soon.
4 - Religion is actually One Big Practical Joke
Years and years ago, two blokes, Jesus and Christ, got monumentally pissed on top of a rock. The basic gist of it was, Jesus would go around showing off his magic skills and when people started to get cynical Christ would pretend to be a leper and Jesus would cure him. They roped in their friend Mary who pretended to be a virgin and it all got a bit out of hand, when again Jesus got smashed on some wine and threw over some tables. Long story short, the Bloombergs thought it was a good idea to turn it into a monetisation exercise. 2000 years later The Pope says it is wrong to use rubbers.
5 - Vernon Kay is a Fucking Dickhead
I know what you're thinking, he's got such a lovely smile. He is great on Family Fortress or whatever that shit is. But no, it's true. He is a fucking dickhead. Unleashed by the government to make you feel better about yourself. It's like when you walk past a man with no legs, you feel shit for him, you want to help him, but apart from chucking him a few quid there isn't much you can do. Vernon Kay is like that, except he doesn't need your help, but people keep throwing money at him. You shouldn't, he's a fucking dickhead, placed here by the Government to make you lower your standards and keep Graham Norton and Jonathan Ross on the telly.
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Don't just discount these. The truth is out there. In the words of Catatonia "Tom Jones, Tom Jones. I never threw my knickers at you, and I don't come from Wales"
