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I know exactly what you're thinking. Jary, how the hell could anyone shag too hard? All you ever do is shag, surely if anyone shags too much it's you! Well, these losers can't hack the pace like me. That's why they are in the state they are. Read on, fair reader, to see into the soul of people who just can't shag.
I know exactly what you're thinking. Jary, how the hell could anyone shag too hard? All you ever do is shag, surely if anyone shags too much it's you! Well, these losers can't hack the pace like me. That's why they are in the state they are. Read on, fair reader, to see into the soul of people who just can't shag.
1. Keith Richards
It's a common misconception that Keith has ever done drugs. He's actually tee total. I'm aware Keith is pretty old. I mean he's in his 70s. Still, should he look like this?
Image Credit: propstore.com
That's not a usual man in his 70s. That's a man who has shagged himself dry. There's a good reason why he is this bad. He has fucked what is known as half a Jary, 38 women a day, for 63 years. Any normal man would be dead by now, Keith however is just a walking corpse.
2. Stephen Fry
Stephen Fry used to be the anti-Jary. He was so celibate I literally felt like a virgin just from him being alive. He was part of the reason I was dehydrated in 1996. I had minus bodily fluids at some points. Then, he got married. He started bumming, or being bummed, I don't know if he's top or bottom. That's when things went south...
Image Credit: thedrum.com
Fry not only made the schoolboy error of marrying someone who is comparatively a schoolboy to him, but unlike Keith, Fry's shagging hasn't caused catastrophic physical deformities. It has, however, caused what seems to be catastrophic brain damage. When he isn't feeling sorry for himself and deleting his Twitter like a massive pussy, he's saying that victims of child abuse should stop feeling sorry for themselves. Get off that horse Stephen, you have to stop shagging before you run on down to the cemetery and start pissing on graves.
3. Courtney Love
As well as being so ugly that Ted Nugent refused underage sex with her, she is also the first woman to blow a load in her husband's face. Courtney wasn't always the hideous monstrosity you see today. Twenty five years ago she was... well marginally less ugly.
Image Credit: yournewswire.com
As you can see, that picture was taken before Kurt started doing heroin. The fear on his face is from the prospect of both shagging his ugly missus and the knowledge of just how ugly she was to become. It's not the heroin that did the damage to her face, it's years of Keith Richards levels of shagging, possibly even with Keith Richards.
4. Katie Hopkins
A surprising choice, I think you will agree. I mean, surely she doesn't do much shagging; she's married for fucks sake! The only married women who do any shagging are the married women that I shag. However, I can sum up my choice with four words for you though.
Image Credit: The cunt factory (dailymail.com)
This cunt has reproduced.
By Jary
@JaryFoulFantasy
Jary is one of the stars of Foul Fantasy. When he's not shagging someone who is almost definitely your mum, he's answering your love life questions and solving your romantic quandaries.