I don't know how many of you know, but I am a pretty massive fan of wrestling. Sure I rip on it a lot, but that doesn't mean I don't like it. I call your Mom fat every day but I still go round and fuck her once a week don't I? With all that being said, sometimes wrestling is awful. Like when these guys got chosen to be given more time on screen than other more deserving people, these are the five worst wrestlers who got pushed.
5. Glacier
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Back in 1996 WCW still existed. It was also just about to embark on its greatest ever period of ratings it would ever achieve. They had signed two of the competition's biggest stars and were in the process of introducing the hottest property in wrestling the NWO. So it's more than just a little bit strange that they spent so much time and money promoting a second rate Sub-Zero knock off for so long.
Glacier was introduced to more fanfare than a new iPhone and was more than twice as underwhelming. It wasn't his cheap rental Mortal Kombat outfit, everyone had shitty wrestling gear back then. It was that he spent all of his matches performing really fucking slow karate. It was like watching a Bruce Lee film at a quarter speed. After spending more than half a million dollars on his entrance and costume WCW gave him a 12 month undefeated streak, before finally coming to their senses and realising he was utterly appalling and making him lose to everyone really really fast.
Glacier was introduced to more fanfare than a new iPhone and was more than twice as underwhelming. It wasn't his cheap rental Mortal Kombat outfit, everyone had shitty wrestling gear back then. It was that he spent all of his matches performing really fucking slow karate. It was like watching a Bruce Lee film at a quarter speed. After spending more than half a million dollars on his entrance and costume WCW gave him a 12 month undefeated streak, before finally coming to their senses and realising he was utterly appalling and making him lose to everyone really really fast.
4. The Miz
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Let's get one thing straight here, The Miz is a bad guy. He's supposed to be hated. Hating bad guys is what makes wrestling great. It's just that most people hate The Miz because he is utterly abysmal. You know when you were at school and there was that one guy who always seemed to get picked to play football even though he was clumsy as hell and just got in the way. Then he scored the winning goal somehow and people thought he was good. But he wasn't he was really fucking shit. That's The Miz. He whored himself out to appear on some shitty MTV "reality" show and then he became a wrestler.
The Miz is one of those guys who bounces up and down and around the card. Sometimes he is right at the bottom, where he should be. But then he gets booed so much that the creative types think this means he is good at his job. Then he wins the world title! There's that winning goal from the massive clumsy oaf! Unlike the previous entry there is no happy ending, he's currently the Intercontinental Champion, which for you non wrestling fans out there is kind of like a cheeseburger if you think of the world title as a double cheeseburger. Sure it's okay, it's not a bad thing, but come on who really wants a cheeseburger when you can have a double one? Certainly not Kevin Owens.
The Miz is one of those guys who bounces up and down and around the card. Sometimes he is right at the bottom, where he should be. But then he gets booed so much that the creative types think this means he is good at his job. Then he wins the world title! There's that winning goal from the massive clumsy oaf! Unlike the previous entry there is no happy ending, he's currently the Intercontinental Champion, which for you non wrestling fans out there is kind of like a cheeseburger if you think of the world title as a double cheeseburger. Sure it's okay, it's not a bad thing, but come on who really wants a cheeseburger when you can have a double one? Certainly not Kevin Owens.
3. Giant Gonzalez/ El Gigante
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In the late 80s Ted Turner got himself a massive Argentinian bloke to come and play basketball for his NBA team. It turns out he sucked seriously hard at it. So he transferred him to his wrestling company, because while basketball requires some talent, just being huge is enough to be a pro wrestler, right? Wrong! Even though he was partnered with one of the best wrestlers of a generation Ric Flair, in matches for the world heavyweight title, he managed to make Flair have utterly terrible matches long before 1997 when that was just a standard Flair match. It got to the point when the notoriously rich and crazy Ted Turner had finally had enough, so El Gigante was finally out of the wrestling game that he so obviously couldn't handle.
Except Vince McMahon was just as crazy and half as rich as Ted Turner and he knew a good thing when he saw one. A giant man. Well that is what makes a good wrestler according to Vinnie Mac, so he signed El Gigante, repackaged him as Giant Gonzalez and threw him straight into a main event feud with none other than The Undertaker. You can see where this is going right? It was awful, he managed to make The Undertaker have utterly terrible matches long before 2004 when it was just a standard Undertaker match. It got to the point when the notoriously rich and crazy Vince McMahon had finally had enough, so Giant Gonzalez was finally out of the wrestling game that he so obviously couldn't handle.
Except he went to Japan for a year and sucked ass there too.
Except Vince McMahon was just as crazy and half as rich as Ted Turner and he knew a good thing when he saw one. A giant man. Well that is what makes a good wrestler according to Vinnie Mac, so he signed El Gigante, repackaged him as Giant Gonzalez and threw him straight into a main event feud with none other than The Undertaker. You can see where this is going right? It was awful, he managed to make The Undertaker have utterly terrible matches long before 2004 when it was just a standard Undertaker match. It got to the point when the notoriously rich and crazy Vince McMahon had finally had enough, so Giant Gonzalez was finally out of the wrestling game that he so obviously couldn't handle.
Except he went to Japan for a year and sucked ass there too.
2. The Great Khali
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Vince McMahon is the most successful wrestling promoter ever. He made WWF/E into the global brand that it is today, with a mix of aggressive business and innovative marketing. He truly is a visionary. It's just that he doesn't really learn his lesson. Read the previous entry again, because apart from the basketball and WCW, it's the same story. Vince finds a huge man, finds out he wrestles, and he gives him a main event place. This time he went a step further though and gave him the fucking title!
Seriously, if you don't like wrestling and want to keep not liking it, just check out some matches by The Great Khali. If anything will put you off wrestling it will be this, or maybe what is coming next...
Seriously, if you don't like wrestling and want to keep not liking it, just check out some matches by The Great Khali. If anything will put you off wrestling it will be this, or maybe what is coming next...
1. David Arquette
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David Arquette is famous for one thing. Getting divorced from the ugliest woman from Friends. He was also rubbish in two films. Three tops. So why did Vince Russo near the death of WCW decide to make him the world heavyweight champion? Because Vince Russo is a fucking moron.
By Frank King
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Frank is known for his outspoken opinions on everything and anything, as well as his next-level social network trolling. He is also the main coder for Foul ENT games and documents the progress of Foul Fantasy in his dev blogs.
