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I have found myself drifting for inspiration as of late. The comic book movie scene will dry up this week with the release of X-Men Apocalypse, so I can only really write about comics once more until November. In terms of video games, I won't be picking another big one up until this summers No Man's Sky. And I'm not really plumbing the depths of social interaction after deleting Tinder. This combined with working evenings and nights has resulted in me craving some form of engagement or entertainment, but with little avail. So, like a socially concious goldfish, I have been checking my Facebook feed every other minute in the hope that meaningful content will magically appear.
It never did. Here are the 5 types of posts that I see the most, though. And they're all infuriating.
I have found myself drifting for inspiration as of late. The comic book movie scene will dry up this week with the release of X-Men Apocalypse, so I can only really write about comics once more until November. In terms of video games, I won't be picking another big one up until this summers No Man's Sky. And I'm not really plumbing the depths of social interaction after deleting Tinder. This combined with working evenings and nights has resulted in me craving some form of engagement or entertainment, but with little avail. So, like a socially concious goldfish, I have been checking my Facebook feed every other minute in the hope that meaningful content will magically appear.
It never did. Here are the 5 types of posts that I see the most, though. And they're all infuriating.
1 - The 'Tag A Mate' Post
Image Credit: carthrottle.com
This can die in a hole. It's been around for ages, but I have seen it appear far too often. The entire gag is a grotesque photo is coupled with a direction to 'tag a mate who would -insert action here-'. If it's an ugly woman, for example, you tag a friend who you think would shag her, presumably for 'bants'. On the merit of it's comedy, it's down there with going "Look, it's your girlfriend!" to your friend whenever you see a really old woman. It's quite literally playground humour. It's down there with 'dropped your gay card' and Eddie Murphy comedies after Coming To America; it's stupid, puerile and painfully unfunny. If you tag your friends in these, you don't deserve to have friends. If you get tagged in one of these, unfriend that person, go to their house and burn them and their family to make the gene pool stronger.
2 - The Politically Motived Wankery Post
Image Credit: politicalmemes.blogspot.com
Coming from a university background, I see this far too often. A lot of people who've gone through the university system somehow come out stupider than they started and genuinely think that posting politically or social justice based content to their friends is going to end well. Spoiler alert: You will end up looking like a huge cunt in front of everyone you have ever known or met. The kind of people who post this shit are either people who desperately want to have an internet flame war, people who are so close minded that they think they've solved all the worlds problems and injustices (Most of which are self-invented and poorly researched, looking at you, wage gap) just from reading a few books, or both. Literally nobody cares how oppressed you think you are The fact that you are posting this to Facebook, from your iPhone, sat in Starbucks, with the freedom to post wanky statuses with poorly researched, self-inflating articles to 'back you up' so you can feel like it's the worlds fault that you aren't a super special snowflake who gets everything they want for Christmas like a good little boy or girl shows what you actually are: A whiny little crybaby who can't function without attention. Grow up.
3 - The Freeboot
Image Credit: cinema5d.com
Remember when memes were funny? Me neither. But anyway, did you ever think that seeing an old video or picture with huge white bars and bold black text explaining the fucking joke would revitalise the meme and offer major laughs? Me neither again, but apparently there are idiots out there who love this and have given people full fledge careers in stealing other peoples content and reposting it as their own. This is a practice known as 'Freebooting', and have made twat factories like The Lad Bible and walking rectums like SoFloAntonio into Facebook mega stars. It's just a shame they have hardly ever actually created the content they are most famous for. But you morons love it. I can't go five minutes on Facebook without seeing something I already saw on Reddit or 4chan ten minutes ago. Makes me ever so slightly glad that our site hasn't hit the big time. If I ever saw someone sharing our content from a Facebooks laughs page with a reblog note from Tumblr on it, I would hit the fucking ceiling. And just in case that does happen, anyone who calls themself a lad is a twat, Tumblr is the cancer of the internet and I am a CIS male who proudly owns a penis and I'm not even vaugely ashamed about it. There, that should stop you fuckers from stealing this. Now fuck off back to your dirty bedrooms to trade stupid 'Bye Felicia' gifs with other fat, unfunny, orc-looking cunts.
4 - Buzzfeed Sharing
Image Credit: huffpost.com
From stealing content, we come to a site that has millions of posts with no actual content between them. Buzzfeed is where substance went to die. An endless stream of non-content posts that read more like a condescending nurse's first day on the alzheimers ward. Remember this from several years ago? You do? Thanks for coming! I actually know someone who writes for Buzzfeed, so there's a good chance he might read this. Well, I say read, he'll probably find an appropriate image macro or gif to analyse instead. Yep, that certainly was a line from The Simpsons that you've super-imposed over the same episode of The Simpsons. Not exactly sure how it qualifies as the 39th moment that cartoons got too real. And funnily enough, I can "believe #4", considering it is a thing that exists. Clickbait is the absolute worst form of entertainment, and sharing something from Buzzfeed basically confirms that you are as stupid as you look.
5 - Anything to do with babies
Image Credit: robonwriting.com
I have a lot of friends on Facebook who have made the decision to have children. Some of them out of a loving and stable relationship or marriage, most of them to get a council house out of and as replacement for their missing personalities. Point being, I don't fucking care about your child. I really don't. I don't care if they're a tiny Einstien and I don't care if they got Venables'd. Your child is, for lack of better words, a small, ugly sack of human who is not in the least bit cute, funny or interesting. There's a reason why videos of your baby trying to speak or taking its first shit were once called 'home movies': Because they were meant for the HOME. As in, your own private space as a precious memory or keepsake for your family and your family alone. As somebody who hates even his own family, what makes you think that I would give even the smallest of fucks about your alien-like sprog and the inane shit it did today, which is probably as boring as you are. Simple answer, I don't, and I'm sure that nobody else with a personality does either. Why people want to use their children for fucking Facebook attention is utterly beyond me. Congrats, you bred. You achieved the one thing that us, as humans, are all biologically wired to do besides breath, eat and shit. Now do us a favour and make sure you don't breed again or your unfortunately stupid looking offspring don't also grow up to be this stupid. And stop putting your photos up on Facebook, 'cause it's annoying, man.
If you have been personally offended by this article, or enjoy the type of posts described here, please ease yourself onto the sharpest pole you can find, slowly bleed out and reconsider your now ending life and how you wasted it annoying everyone you know, especially me. Or just unfriend me. Whichever is quickest.
If you have been personally offended by this article, or enjoy the type of posts described here, please ease yourself onto the sharpest pole you can find, slowly bleed out and reconsider your now ending life and how you wasted it annoying everyone you know, especially me. Or just unfriend me. Whichever is quickest.
By Mike Owen
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games
