VR, or virtual reality, has exploded onto the tech scene in a resurgence not unlike that of Jesus Christ; we were all pretty sure it was dead when we thought it was bad, but it turns out that it is actually quite good, so now it's one of the biggest things in the world today. Tortured analogies aside, there is amazing potential for new experiences utilising VR, but like most things in life, we're bound to take it a step to far and utterly ruin it. Here's five VR experiences that will completely turn you off the idea. We made them all up, but don't blame us if you see these in the near future.
Co-Op VR Porn
Image Credit: vrrelated.com
I know what you're thinking; VR porn does exist and it weirdly makes sense as a concept. Most porn is basically a self-insert fantasy (wahey) anyway, where mostly not real women make awkward eye contact with a camera that they have been told to pretend in the face of the hired schlong that is actually doing the sex at them, for the sole purpose of getting people to believe that they could in fact be knocking boots with them, leading to arousal. And then the spunking of money, as well as actual spunk, probably. The thing is, VR is biggest in video games right now, and you only have to consider the multiplayer focus of the 'Triple A' games market to put two and two together here. It could go one of two ways, either leading to some kind of weird mutual masturbation sex game, where each player controls a virtual fuck boy/girl/tentacle monster which then can interact with another player, or it takes a more cinematic approach where two people can view porn from the respective angles of the two performers. Either way, it boils down strapping telly goggles to your face and having a wank whilst knowing that someone else somewhere is also jacking it to the exact same thing. It's like finding an old copy of Razzle in the woods when you were a kid and realising that your sexual awakening is going to be bleak at best. All quite awkward and uncomfortable when you think about it, although you probably won't think about it until you've crashed your yogurt truck. Then you take a mental step back and feel utterly depressed and ashamed. As well you should.
War Atrocity Simulators
Image Credit: samhoudmedia.com
Games like the Call of Duty franchise present an over zealous version of war; one that is about the fun of warfare and the glory that comes with it. At least in the multiplayer anyway. Occasionally, they do take the subject matter more seriously, but these moments are few and far between. I cannot think of a more depressing thing to witness in virtual reality than the actual horror of war. I don't suppose features like witnessing the effects of mustard gas, interrogating and humiliating innocent civillians or getting violently beheaded by insurgents would be an experience that would sell well. But what do I know, people in their millions have bought one of the nine Call of Duty games that have come out since Modern Warfare, despite the fact that not a single fucking thing has changed about them.
Walking A Mile In Someone Else's Shoes
Image Credit: aolcdn.com
Oh, you just know this is going to happen. Tetchy people who think they have it hard and masochists alike will love the opportunity to be able to experience snippets of people who have had less than stellar lives. Whilst it could be a potentially powerful tool to explore the lives of people who had to suffer the worst atrocities this world has ever seen, you can guarantee some self-inflated, jumped-up, tortured artist Phil Fish type is bound is going to make something like "My Hell With Janice" as a way to show that his utterly comfortable life is somehow torn down by his poor choice in a sexual partner. Or even worse, some avant-garde modern art bullshit 'close encounter' experience will get all the rave reviews because it's about oppression or something. If you're affluent enough to be able to afford one of these over-price twat helmets, you have no right to act like your life is bleak. Get in the sea.
Orifice and Cavity Explorers
Image Credit: infinityhousemagazine.com
I remember a time when being a zookeeper sounded like a cool job. Then I realised that you'd spend a hell of a lot of time helping some of the less able animals shit properly and I decided against it. I'm not saying that this wouldn't be a good use of VR for learning purposes, but I would hardly want to explore the birth canal of an elephant or an infected rhino's arsehole head first. The last thing I would want is the ability to really focus and lean in to examine the damaged tissue of some poor baboons poop chute. I'll leave that nonsense to Ace Ventura and the poor vets and zoo workers who dedicate their lives to making sure the exotic animals caged up in captivity don't go mental or get bumhole cancer or something.
Watching Someone Play VR Simulator
Image Credit: roadtovr.com
This would take the perspective of the VR helmet literally feet from where you're sat so you can see just whats it's like when you personally play VR. Not only would you get to see how much of a dickhead you look with several hundred pounds worth of tech strapped to your mush, but you'd also understand how amazingly boring it is to sit in a room with someone playing VR. The reactions are funny the first time, perhaps, but is tantamount to being on the wrong side of a big brick wall whilst someone immeasurably taller than you is watching something cool happen on the other side. And also he's really badly explaining whats happening. And you still look like a dickhead.
Yes, I am bitter that I can't afford PSVR, Oculus or HTC Vive. Is that obvious?
Yes, I am bitter that I can't afford PSVR, Oculus or HTC Vive. Is that obvious?
By Mike Owen
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games