Romeo And Juliet
I mean seriously, 6 days earlier Romeo was spluffing in his shorts about some tart named Rosaline, the next thing you know he is topping himself because his criminally young missus of 6 days is brown bread. Samuel Pepys agreed with me, he thought it was shit too. And this is a bloke who got caught by his wife with his hand up her top and the other one knuckle deep in the help. And when she got sacked, he carried on shagging her! So he knows what the fuck he is on about. If none of that is enough to convince you of how shocking it is, he ripped off the whole fucking story from someone else anyway!
Oh, and Mercutio is ridiculous, but I will cover him in more detail later.
It Was Made For Stupid People
Does that mean in 400 years pseudo intellectuals and actual intellectuals alike are going to pretend to like American Pie? Does it mean that Patrick Stewart's relative is going to be playing Stiffler at The Globe some day? No, of course not. Those same ridiculous cunts are going to still be wasting their time watching badly thought out, badly acted and indecipherable plays from the 1500's. Writing, acting and general film/play making skills have improved immeasurably in just the last 40 years. So why do we still worship at the altar of 400 year old manuscripts, that got mixed reviews at the time?
And back to Mercutio as promised, weirdly enough, this is where the American Pie similarities really kick in. Mercutio and Stiffler are exactly the same person. The only difference is that Mercutio is black.
It Hasn't Aged Well
Shakespeare zealots are forever furiously wanking themselves like gibbons over how many words he made up. Right, so let me get this straight. He couldn't express himself using the language, so he just made up some fucking words. Does that mean that whoever invented 'YOLO' and 'swag' are destined to be elevated to the upper echelons of the literary world? Hell, even writers not 50 years after he died couldn't make head nor tail of the shit he was shovelling out. Take John Dryden for example, who said the English language “is so much refin'd since Shakespeare's time, that many of his words, and more of his phrases, are scarce intelligible”.
Even pre 1700 mother fuckers couldn't understand this shit, yet we are supposed to herald it as some sort of how to guide on the way to becoming erudite? Even when his plays get brought into modern settings and using modern language, we end up with piles of shit like 10 Things I Hate About You. You want to know why? Because his stories suck, his premises sucks and his characters fucking suck.
There is only one half decent thing to do with Shakespeare and that is when Neil Gaiman wrote it into a couple of arcs of The Sandman. Other than that, his work is a waste of paper.
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A hidden face of the crew, The Cunt is main coder for Foul Entertainment games. He is currently documenting the progress of our game, Foul Fantasy, in his dev blogs.