'Write what you know’ is a phrase thrown around almost exclusively by people who don’t know what they’re talking about. If we only wrote about what we knew, the world would be full of garbage autobiographies from people with nothing to say. While this phrase is universally acknowledged as dog shit, it can be true on the rarest of occasions. For example, Ian Fleming was kind of a bad ass, and Ernest Hemingway was a Rocky sequel away from becoming the hardest man to have ever lived.
Image credit: theguardian.com
Look at this man. Witness his manliness.
So in the vein of James Bond and, er... one of Ernest Hemingway’s characters, I'm going to write about what I know, and that’s murder. Now, we know that murder a subject not often discussed on comedy websites and for good reason. Horror films have been my genre of choice since I was a kid, and my spare time and university studies have led me to learn about, obsess over and even contact some of the most notorious murderers in the real world. The line where fictional horror meets reality is what we’ll be discussing today. Hit 'Read More' to dive into the mind of the murderer!
It was a particular entry on this list which gave me the idea for this article. A fictional horror villain is often inspired from a real life case or particular person, but what if it happened the other way around? This has of course happened in the past, but what if we took a particular fictional villain and bought him into the real world? What if we took away the glitz, glamour, make-up and tense background music and reduced them to being a human being? I believe, they would end up something like this:
#4 – Jigsaw
Good old Jigsaw. We first met him on the bathroom floor in 2004, and said goodbye to him in on a video tape in 2010. Everyone knows his game by now. He makes his victims kill themselves by putting them through their own personal hell, which started with simple things like flammable jelly in the first film, and by the final film had progressed into masterpieces of mechanical engineering.
Very little went awry with Jigsaw’s plans. Pretty much everything he predicted happened exactly as expected. Although it doesn’t happen that easily in real life, just ask David Parker Ray. David was a serial killer from New Mexico who would kidnap mostly female victims to take back to his soundproof trailer and shove things up their vaginas. How does this relate to Jigsaw? Well, first of all, the first thing that David’s victims heard was the pre-recorded tape he had made, informing them that they’d been kidnapped and would be eventually killed, after being raped and tortured for as long as they could hold out. The tools and equipment in David’s trailer was worth a total of $100,000, and like Jigsaw, David had a total of three accomplices.
Unlike Jigsaw, however, David was eventually caught after one of his victims escaped. The keys to the victims’ restraints were on a nearby table, which the victim managed to get hold of. She escaped, and David was then caught, jailed and died in 2002. The irony? It was a woman’s fault that she escaped.
Very little went awry with Jigsaw’s plans. Pretty much everything he predicted happened exactly as expected. Although it doesn’t happen that easily in real life, just ask David Parker Ray. David was a serial killer from New Mexico who would kidnap mostly female victims to take back to his soundproof trailer and shove things up their vaginas. How does this relate to Jigsaw? Well, first of all, the first thing that David’s victims heard was the pre-recorded tape he had made, informing them that they’d been kidnapped and would be eventually killed, after being raped and tortured for as long as they could hold out. The tools and equipment in David’s trailer was worth a total of $100,000, and like Jigsaw, David had a total of three accomplices.
Unlike Jigsaw, however, David was eventually caught after one of his victims escaped. The keys to the victims’ restraints were on a nearby table, which the victim managed to get hold of. She escaped, and David was then caught, jailed and died in 2002. The irony? It was a woman’s fault that she escaped.
Image credit: deadlydollshouse.blogspot.com
LOL!
#3 – John Doe
The antagonist from the movie Seven is a rare type of killer, in that his total number of victims list will be capped. Most serial murderers will never stop killing, even to the point of begging the police to catch them. Luckily (some might say), John Doe’s list of victims will only ever be as high as seven because he was killing one for every deadly sin. But what if he was aiming higher? Like Stephen Griffiths, a British serial killer who wanted to kill fourteen victims to be one better than the Yorkshire Ripper? Or Alexander Pichushkin, who wanted to fill an entire chessboard worth of victims?
Wait, what? A chessboard? As in, 64 squares? Meaning, 64 victims?
Yep.
Alexander Pichushkin was a Russian serial killer, who for some reason wanted to kill shitloads of people. He managed a total of at least 48 victims before being caught. There’s not much left to say about this asshole, other than asking what the hell is wrong with some people.
No, I don’t mean Alexander, I mean the woman who has agreed to marry him.
Wait, what? A chessboard? As in, 64 squares? Meaning, 64 victims?
Yep.
Alexander Pichushkin was a Russian serial killer, who for some reason wanted to kill shitloads of people. He managed a total of at least 48 victims before being caught. There’s not much left to say about this asshole, other than asking what the hell is wrong with some people.
No, I don’t mean Alexander, I mean the woman who has agreed to marry him.
Image Credit: Unknown
Now it makes sense...
#2 – Otis Driftwood
In the fictional 70’s, a southern hillbilly by the name of Otis Driftwood drove across Texas, murdering anyone who happened to cross his path. In the real 70’s, a southern hillbilly by the name of Henry Lee Lucas drove across Texas, murdering anyone who happened to cross his path.
Otis Driftwood is the main antagonist in the 2005 film The Devil’s Rejects. His appearance and personality is usually thought to be inspired by Charles Manson, but I somewhat disagree. Although Rob Zombie’s love of Manson is well-documented, the only similarities are that they’re both long haired, bearded and sort-of lead cults.
Otis Driftwood is the main antagonist in the 2005 film The Devil’s Rejects. His appearance and personality is usually thought to be inspired by Charles Manson, but I somewhat disagree. Although Rob Zombie’s love of Manson is well-documented, the only similarities are that they’re both long haired, bearded and sort-of lead cults.
Image Credit: IMDB.com
And they probably both hated that Fifty Shades bollocks.
Henry Lee Lucas, on the other hand, was a notorious ‘drifter’, who happened to have an accomplice named Otis. Both of our killers claim to have ludicrously high body counts, and come from horribly incestual families.
Something which I realised on my last watch through of The Devil’s Rejects too, is that there’s a pointless scene of a family (who later get murdered) watching a talk show. On the talk show, they mention satanic cults. Henry Lee Lucas and his accomplice Otis both made outrageous claims during their capture that they were part of a nationwide Satanic cult called the Hand of Death. We will never know if this is true, since both Lucas and Toole are dead as fuck but there’s something else here. The symbolism of the talk show. Lucas and Toole confessed to murdering six year old Adam Walsh, the son of talk show host John Walsh, although were never convicted.
Something which I realised on my last watch through of The Devil’s Rejects too, is that there’s a pointless scene of a family (who later get murdered) watching a talk show. On the talk show, they mention satanic cults. Henry Lee Lucas and his accomplice Otis both made outrageous claims during their capture that they were part of a nationwide Satanic cult called the Hand of Death. We will never know if this is true, since both Lucas and Toole are dead as fuck but there’s something else here. The symbolism of the talk show. Lucas and Toole confessed to murdering six year old Adam Walsh, the son of talk show host John Walsh, although were never convicted.
#1 – Patrick Bateman
Everyone knows Patrick Bateman by now, mostly thanks to the Batman movies. He’s the suave, ripped-to-fuck, smooth talking murderous investment banker from the 2000 film American Psycho. He’s just a normal guy who happens to be rich and likes killing. Nothing out of the ordinary about that. I see people like this all the time. Although most of them don’t actually murder anyone. Enter Rurik Jutting.
When police stepped into Rurik Jutting’s apartment last October, they found a prostitute with her throat slit, and another prostitute decapitated and folded into a suitcase. This was a particularly extreme crime in Hong Kong, given their crime rate. So who was this guy, who had carried out the most gruesome murder in Hong Kong in 12 years.
When police stepped into Rurik Jutting’s apartment last October, they found a prostitute with her throat slit, and another prostitute decapitated and folded into a suitcase. This was a particularly extreme crime in Hong Kong, given their crime rate. So who was this guy, who had carried out the most gruesome murder in Hong Kong in 12 years.
Image Credit: scalar.usc.edu
He's probably annoyed that the photographer didn't centre him properly.
An investment banker in his late 20’s, who lived in an extortionately-priced apartment, obscenely rich, lived a life of luxury and left two prostitutes dead on his apartment floor? Sounds like the British Patrick Bateman.
If that wasn’t enough; in a classy, Bateman-style sign off, just before murdering those hookers, Jutting even left some optimistic messages on his Facebook. That’s definitely something Bateman would have done.
If that wasn’t enough; in a classy, Bateman-style sign off, just before murdering those hookers, Jutting even left some optimistic messages on his Facebook. That’s definitely something Bateman would have done.
By Joe Turner
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment and the author and deviser of Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Foul Fiction. He's also responsible for the bulk of the artistic design in our upcoming gaming department.
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment and the author and deviser of Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Foul Fiction. He's also responsible for the bulk of the artistic design in our upcoming gaming department.