So here it is: Fucking go and vote, you prick.
Casting our minds back to 2010, take a look at these figures run by a poll of non-voters done by Survation:
Why Not Voting Is Bullshit
Bullshit. Clearly it is, otherwise there wouldn't be a big vote every five years to continuously shift the people in it so the country can trial new ways of governing fucking everything.
Not able to access polling stations or get a postal ballot.
Bullshit. Use this fucking link here. Now walk, cycle or drive to the place nearest you and do it. You do not live in Timbuk-fucking-tu, you fucking sloth. Also, no wonder you couldn't vote by post, the deadline for that was on April 21st, but you were probably sleeping. Even people abroad managed to do it, you lazy shits.
What I believe isn't represented by the political parties.
Bullshit. Unless you’re lobbying for the Frankenstein-like resurrection of Humphrey Bogart, chances are you just haven’t even bothered to switch on the news or visit a party’s website. This may shock you, but there are more than just the big two on a polling card. Look at the answer for the next point for help.
Bullshit. Here are links to every single fucking main party’s manifestos, that’s Labour, Tory, Lib Dem, UKIP, Green, SNP and Plaid Cymru. There’s fuckloads of info there. Also, there were two big debates you can watch here, you dipshits.
Not interested in politics.
Bullshit. To quote Thomas Mann, ‘Everything is politics’. Think about someone you hate. Now say aloud why you hate them. You have just expressed an opinion. Take a look at the political candidates standing in your areas. See that they have also expressed opinions. You may agree or disagree. Everything is politics.
Parties/Candidates are all the same.
Bullshit. Want to see where parties differ on key issues? The BBC have this handy tool that will show you that they are not all the same, you fucking mong.
Don’t believe my vote will make a difference.
Bullshit. 65% of the eligible UK voting populous voted in the last General Election. 45% did not. Bearing in mine that of that 65% that voted I mentioned before, the Conservative party gained 32% of those. Had the non-voting 45% of the UK actually got off their arses and done it, and in a weird twist of fate all voted the same person, ANYONE could have taken a parliamentary majority. Even this dead guy. Your vote absolutely DOES make a difference, you shithead.
Bull… hang on. Fucking what? Other is the top voted answer? Is this the polite way of saying that the non-voting public couldn't even be bothered to say why they didn't vote? Jesus fucking Christ, it’s this apathy that is poisoning British politics today. We aren't happy with our government, but we aren't even prepared to say why we aren't prepared to say anything about it?
Look at you, almost definitely vegetating in front of Netflix. ‘Are you still watching Ru Pauls Drag Race?’ the screen asks, seemingly either judging your taste in TV or checking to see if you haven’t suffered a brain aneurysm in the three hours you've been sat doing jack shit. You’re covered in Wotsit dust and Diet Coke spillage stains. The dog’s been scratching at the door for half an hour because he needs a piss and won’t let him out because you’re too fucking lazy to let him back in again. You’re too lazy to even say that you’re too lazy. And here's the proof:
Does that sentence piss you off? Would you prefer not to say anything at all? Face it Britain, you are too lazy to go and change this country the way you want it changed. You’re too lazy to tell me why you won’t change it. And you’re too lazy to get up from your hovels and put an X on a slip of paper to show that you have opinions.
Go ahead, prove me wrong. I want you to. I dare you to.
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games.