This article is a part of FoulENT's 30 Days of Stuff! Click here to read all 30 Days entries and be sure to come back every day in May for new stuff just like this!
My research for these articles usually consists of me drinking Taurus and tweeting celebrities pictures of my sack, so I was as surprised as anyone when I actually came across something relevant. I found a quote about Friday the 13th while checking my tweets, and the person it came from was fat science Ghandi himself Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
There’s something about this tweet that pisses me off. Somebody should tell Neil DeGrasse Tyson that nobody is questioning the rarity of Friday the 13th. Any combination of days of the week and dates is probably just as rare as any other combination. Not only this, but nobody cares. Friday the 13th is a day to get tanked up and watch Jason Goes To Manhattan while you sit around and look at Pornhub on your phone. When it comes to a list of things I care about on Friday the 13th, statistics come in dead last after how drunk I am by midday and what pants I’ll be wearing (none).
Where I would put my balls given the chance - an artist's interpretation.
In tribute, this Friday the 12th is all about Neil DeGrasse Tyson and the shit that comes out of his mouth. The only thing worse than Neil DeGrasse Tyson are the dumbasses who lap up anything he says like he’s some kind of internet Jesus. Fuck them and fuck you for not hating him as much as I do.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson is a stupid smug twat
‘Complete asshole. Fat cartoon faced twat who looks like Bill Cosby.’
‘Are you talking about Neil DeGrasse Tyson again?’
‘Yes.’
‘Complete asshole. Fat cartoon faced twat who looks like Bill Cosby.’
‘Are you talking about Neil DeGrasse Tyson again?’
‘Yes.’
Everyone related to Neil DeGrasse Tyson eventually dies (of shame)
‘Thirteen members of the Tyson family have died this year alone. Maybe they have some hereditary illness?’
‘Wrong. They all died of shame.’
‘Thirteen members of the Tyson family have died this year alone. Maybe they have some hereditary illness?’
‘Wrong. They all died of shame.’
If you look Neil DeGrasse Tyson in the eye you will contract punchable face-itus
‘And then I punched him in his stupid fat head.’
‘Who?’
‘Some bloke who had the second most punchable face I’ve ever seen after Neil DeGrasse Tyson.’
‘He must have looked Neil DeGrasse Tyson in the eyes and contracted punchable face syndrome.’
‘Yeah. Punchable face-itus.‘
‘And then I punched him in his stupid fat head.’
‘Who?’
‘Some bloke who had the second most punchable face I’ve ever seen after Neil DeGrasse Tyson.’
‘He must have looked Neil DeGrasse Tyson in the eyes and contracted punchable face syndrome.’
‘Yeah. Punchable face-itus.‘
The leading cause of death in America is Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s lectures
‘So there we were in this physics or something lecture, when Jenny Brickhouse’s head straight up explodes.’
‘Woah, what happened?’
‘The lecturer screamed at her for interrupting. Then he carried on blabbering shit.’
‘I know exactly who was teaching that class: Neil De-Ass Tyson.’
‘So there we were in this physics or something lecture, when Jenny Brickhouse’s head straight up explodes.’
‘Woah, what happened?’
‘The lecturer screamed at her for interrupting. Then he carried on blabbering shit.’
‘I know exactly who was teaching that class: Neil De-Ass Tyson.’
9/11 was Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s fault
‘Hilary, we have some news which may shock you.’
‘What is it, Mr Advisor?’
‘September 11th had nothing to do with Osama Bin Lifting. It was all that Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s fault.’
‘That smug son of a bitch!’
‘Hilary, we have some news which may shock you.’
‘What is it, Mr Advisor?’
‘September 11th had nothing to do with Osama Bin Lifting. It was all that Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s fault.’
‘That smug son of a bitch!’
Boredom was invented by Neil DeGrasse Tyson
‘So they did the autopsy on Jenny Brickhouse. Doctors have now confirmed that overexposure to Neil DeGrasse Tyson can cause stimulation to rapidly decrease in the part of the brain that deals with smug condescending bastards. In short, Neil DeGrasse Tyson is the personification of boredom.’
‘I can’t believe we thought it was a mere case of head explodage.’
‘So they did the autopsy on Jenny Brickhouse. Doctors have now confirmed that overexposure to Neil DeGrasse Tyson can cause stimulation to rapidly decrease in the part of the brain that deals with smug condescending bastards. In short, Neil DeGrasse Tyson is the personification of boredom.’
‘I can’t believe we thought it was a mere case of head explodage.’
After you die St Peter gives you the choice of living in the same afterlife as Neil DeGrasse Tyson or spending eternity being molested by Satan and everyone choses the molestation option.
‘Did the Devil molest you this morning?’
‘Twice. It almost makes me wish I was up in heaven with Neil DeGrasse Tyson.’
‘Hahahaha! Good one. Almost had me!’
‘Damn! I’ll get you one day!’
‘Did the Devil molest you this morning?’
‘Twice. It almost makes me wish I was up in heaven with Neil DeGrasse Tyson.’
‘Hahahaha! Good one. Almost had me!’
‘Damn! I’ll get you one day!’
By Joe Turner
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment, known for Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Disagreevances. He's also responsible for the artistic design in our games.
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment, known for Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Disagreevances. He's also responsible for the artistic design in our games.