There has been a lot of talk in the news recently about the impending referendum on Britain's status within the European Union. Too much talk if you ask us. There is only so much of David Cameron's plate face and Boris Johnson's head that we can take. So, here to stop you having to listen to those gobshites, is this; The FoulENT guide to what they haven't told you about the EU Referendum.
Three Things The Remain Campaign Haven't Told You
The remain campaign have stayed dignified throughout the ugly back and forth between the two camps. Well, about as dignified as a man wanking in a bus stop. What they really don't want you to know though is...
1. The EU Insult & Profanity law
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This is a law that the red tape slinging, banana straightening bureaucrats in Brussels are planning to pass on the 24th of June. One day after our referendum, one day too late for it to make a difference to our voting choice. Currently, free speech laws allow us a certain leeway with the things that we say. We can easily call David Cameron a fucking plate faced twat and it is no problem. We can do it two or three times a day and there is nothing the fucking plate faced twat can do about it. The EU however intend to pass what they call the 'Alexandre Dumas law' which basically says that if you intend to insult someone you must do so without profanity and be as eloquent as you possibly can. If we decide to remain in the EU as soon as the decision has been announced, we will have to edit every single mention of David Cameron being a fucking plate faced twat to read intercourse having oval solid sustenance receptacle female genitalia. Which would be cool if we got paid by the word, but I don't, so fornicate you Brussels!
2. Replacing The Bedroom Tax
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With Turkey joining the EU soon there will be a sudden influx of around about 45 million people who want to live in your council house and eat your food and claim your benefits. That's not me scaremongering, they are cold hard facts. What the EU are planning on doing is forcing the Conservative government to abandon the bedroom tax and in its place any spare bedrooms must be populated by three Turkish families. This is part of the European Union's plan to turn the UK into Turkey Minor, so that half of Turkey can be turned into a Lidl warehouse. Because Lidl pay the living wage, the money they will get back in taxing workers will offset the grant they gave Lidl to build the warehouse and the tax breaks just enough; this means the NHS won't have to be privatised until 2018.
3. Kicking ISIS's Arses
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ISIS are the biggest threat to the western world since the last 5 middle eastern governments that have since been toppled by throwing rocks at the leader. If Gaddafi can be shoved into a pipe and killed by people relentlessly hitting him with sandals, then the British Army might even stand a chance of taking down ISIS. The British Army, known by it's other moniker as the National Care Home for the Intelligently Challenged and Impotent, could potentially lead an all out charge and obliterate the 12 men in pyjamas that make up ISIS. However, talk of the European Army has stifled the plans, whilst leaders in Europe scour their countries for people angry and stupid enough to match the calibre set by Britain. Should we vote out, Britain would be free to ship off hundred of troubled kids who grew up with Call of Duty and daddy issues to the middle east to spank ISIS, which would create a number of jobs across the UK, specifically in McDonalds and JD Sports across the nation.
Three Things The Leave Campaign Haven't Told You
We may have taken a swipe at the remain campaign earlier for being undignified, but honestly the leavers are just as bad. When you have a man whose hair resembles a wig that Donald Trump turned down, that tells you all you really need to know about dignity. Here are the things that no-one from the leave campaign is telling you.
1. New NHS Use Criteria
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Boris Johnson does a lot of lip service about saving the NHS, so does David Cameron to be fair. However, the fact remains that both of them want it gone. Documents leaked by a pro NHS member of the Tory party show that Cameron and Johnson have conspired to help to manage costs if Britain votes to leave the EU. That provision is that everyone must meet two criteria in order to use the NHS service. 1. They must be named Boris Johnson. 2. They must be a member of the Conservative Party. Just think, if you vote leave you will be at home suffering from crippling AIDS while Boris is getting wanked off by a fit nurse in a hospital.
2. Unique Treasury Spending Plans
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There is a significant amount of money sent to the EU each week. While it is refuted by both sides exactly how much this is, it is enough for them to do what 'they' want with it. We use the word 'they' because of this revelation; David Cameron gets the benefits from both sides no matter what happens because he is the leader of the country. His plan if we leave the EU is to buy France and then use it to build a giant Lidl warehouse. Wait, this seems familiar...
3. The Australian Effect
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Immigration has been a point of contention curing the Referendum debates, with MPs and voters alike voicing their opinions on the dirty, dirty foreigners, where they can go back to and how they're simultaneously taking peoples jobs and sponging off the state. There has been a lot of talk of reforming the immigration policies to that of the 'Australian System'. We've so far believed this to be in relation to the points and merits based system in which the Australian border force allow immigrants into the country. What the Leave campaign don't want you to know, however, is this is in fact relates to how people will be deported from the country. First will be all the crims and wronguns in prisons, meaning the government can finally pave over Friar Park and make it into an even bigger Lidl car park. Once they're gone, colonial style ships will take all people of colour off our shores. And finally, anyone without pure British heritage will be sent to live in the Eurovision-watching, Brussels-loving countries their ancestors originally came here from. This basically leaves only the incestuous 'pure' English families with a claim to Britian, which makes you wonder which half of the UK Boris Johnson will get and how Piers Morgan will continue to be seen as a cunt once there's only his inbred family to pass judgement on him.
By Frank King
Email Frank King
Frank is known for his outspoken opinions on everything and anything, as well as his next-level social network trolling. He is also the main coder for Foul ENT games and documents the progress of Foul Fantasy in his dev blogs.
Email Frank King
Frank is known for his outspoken opinions on everything and anything, as well as his next-level social network trolling. He is also the main coder for Foul ENT games and documents the progress of Foul Fantasy in his dev blogs.
By Mike Owen
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games