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Danke Bitte: A Blagger's Tale - #3: My Top 3 Scandinavian Moments

24/9/2015

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I was thinking back about my time living in Scandinavia and thought to myself - "What do I think about my life there?".
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Over these past few days, I finally got myself sorted in Berlin. Found a beautiful long term apartment with some Australian friends, managed to secure some interesting job opportunities and have hop, skipped and jumped my way over and under the German Kafka-esque registration and tax system (It wasn't easy). So now that I'm home and dry in Deutschland, touch wood, I can close my first couple of chapters in Sweden with a slightly auspicious 'to be continued'.

So here it is: My Scandi Top 3.
We are going to start with the obvious, probably the most vital element of any country;

"Språk"

It's common knowledge that Swedes are pretty damn good at speaking English, heck their schools teach it better than in England. Kids as young as 5 are surprisingly fluent. Granted it's become a bit of a taboo to watch Swedish language cartoons and films nowadays, so that probably has something to do with it. The accents are pretty hilarious and wide ranging. I met these two lads who were twins, they lived in the same house all their lives, one was an avid World of Warcraft player (Jonas) and the other was a Semi Pro Counter Strike enthusiast (Matte). Jonas had been in the same raiding guild for over four years and this particular guild had players who were mostly from way up in the north of England, so his English accent was heavily Geordie. It was always funny switching between Swedish and English with him. On the other hand, his Brother Matte played CS with East Coast Americans so he had the most accented Boston English agent you'll hear, I suspected he was putting it on at first but it never wavered, sober or drunk. 
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Anyway, I set about learning Swedish from the off, much to my displeasure. I'd seen a few Swedish films and TV shows in the past so I had an idea of the sound but learning it without really understand the cadence and nuance of the language, led to a bad time. It's really really important that one can hear the a sentence and be able to differentiate between the words, even if you have no idea what is being said. Tone gives way to structure and an loose grasp of structure leads to better acquisition. I put the books down and started listening, I listened intently, everything that was being said, I wouldn't have the foggiest of what was going on but I could begin to understand what was being meant. So slowly vocabulary began to stick in my head without me realising. From the basics to more the complicated. It was time to start my course. 

The Swedish system can be a beautiful thing if you are in it and don't mind it's slighted controlling conformist nature. I got into an adult language school, free, which set me officially on my way. But then grammar happened. Grammar is a bitch, the biggest bitch the whole wide world. Either way I got my head around it eventually, it 'literally' just clicked into place, roughly. I would say I'm pretty fluent after 16 months of study, one more course and technically I can go to Swedish Universities and study for free, three cheers for a government that gives a shit. There is however a humorous aspect to a Germanic language such as Swedish, they are very literal. Many nouns are given because of what they physically are.
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For example;

Kofångare - translated literally into English means "cow catcher". When what is actually means is "car bumper". I saw this written down and my English head was very confused. But they named it for what it is and damn it's funny to hear.

Another great one is;

Grönsaker - literally translated makes it "green things" when it is actually referring to vegetables. Yeah someone saw a cucumber and was like "that's a green thing" and it stuck.

These little things make language learning so much fun. It has given me access to a new way of expression, I can say things in Swedish which just can't be translated or communicated in English.

"Vackert Landet"

Sweden is big. Huge. Shitting massive. But more so, it's damn empty. They say it's 85% uninhabited, which is bloody nuts. Sweden is trees and water, lots of trees and lots of water, a fuck ton of trees and a fuck ton of water. Not sure I can make it any clearer. From the air you see pretty much nothing but for green and blue, or white if it's winter/spring. However, it's so very beautiful, well to me it is. I've been out there, into the wilderness where there is nothing and nature commands. The peace is like nothing I've ever experienced. Like you know that you are miles from anyone else because you've got a map but if you didn't, you'd feel it, you'd feel it deep down.
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 I understand how people can get so lonely and depressed in Scandinavia, it's a big whole lot of nothing and the further north you get the sparser it becomes. Alcohol abuse and suicide rates are a problem up there and ask anyone, it's down to loneliness and the resulting depression. But gosh darn it is breathtaking.

"Oj nej, jag halkade på isen"

My folks were more the sun and beach type and deemed that a holiday to a colder climate than our own is less of a holiday and more their idea of hell. On top of that skiing isn't the cheapest and easiest of vacations, you aren't exactly going to get to read that exciting John Le Carre while your children throw themselves down a treacherous slope at 50mph. Can't say I missed out though, I loved the sea as a kid and had absolutely no interest in skiing. Then I went to university, apparently people in England ski, and often. So once I arrived in a colder more snowy part of the world, I knew I wanted to learn the slopes, I wanted to be "cool". Well, my dream came true after only one week. Got in the car, drive to the slopes, hired my gear, got out to the prep point, set myself up, locked myself into the skis, let go of the rail and fell on my arse. What was this sorcery? 


I went to get back up and just kept sliding all over the place, much to everyone's amusement. I get a hand up and held onto the railing once again this time with no intention of letting go. I may have been too keen, over zealous and severely under prepared. An elderly gentleman slides up next to me with a grace and ease I thought I possessed. He grabs hold of me and pushes me, this may work with small children who weigh less and have a lower centre of gravity but for me, nope. Straight down my first slope, slalom is a word I've only heard of. Straight down I go, shouting to whoever is in my way. I hit a tree. I'm hurt, I'm embarrassed, I don't ski again for four months.
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It makes me sad writing this, thinking that I've left such a beautiful place where I met so many great people and did some crazy shit. But onwards and onwards we go, the never ending cycle of discovery can't be stopped. Everyday we should aspire to do something different, see something new, meet someone special. 


I hark back to my previous blog, familiarities are great but that unquenchable desire to discover is ever greater; go quench it!

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By Abdurahman Hale
@abshale

The Foul Entertainment off-shore reporter, Abdurahman is currently living in Berlin and has done the round of many European countries. He is currently working on a travel/tech hybrid column for the blogs page.

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