My Twitter was inundated with people going batshit over the not-breakup of the spindly, hairless boyband One Direction. I was busy slamming some bird and generally having a life when this all went down, but after a certain Style of man got in touch with me asking for advice, I decided to take on your burning questions over the events of five lads lives that you have played no part in, but apparently feel emotionally attached to for some stupid reason. You fucking losers.
School's Out?
If by school you mean High School then no. You should definitely stay in school. If however you are over 18 and at Uni or something, then yeah have a year off. Come round mine, I will teach you all you need to know about shagging me. Harry Styles sucked me off once. So letting me shag you would be like him going down on you.
Going Down On The Sun
I used to know a bloke who worked at The Sun. He was a massive twat but he got me a PS4 on the cheap. Anyway, it's true that The Sun are outrageous liars. They once reported that me and Gene Simmons got cheesed off our tits and shagged eleven women in one night, but it wasn't true. We shagged twelve. Anyway, if you want to come round mine I'll introduce you to the bloke who works at The Sun. He lives in my pants, and his name is my dick.
A Hard Place
I don't think I could get much harder. Why not pop round and I'll show you. When I shag though, I go in two directions, in and out. So technically it will be twice as good as shagging all of them put together. Which honestly, I think estimates my shagging skills pretty low. I have shagged upwards of 9 women... today.
Story Of His Life
Hi Harriette, it's been a while since I last saw you. To be fair you do look like a bird, and it doesn't help that the last time we met you had your gums around my plums. In my opinion you have two options, both of which involve you sucking me off. You can stop being a pussy and embrace the fact you look like a woman. Or you can put my cock in your mouth so that we don't have to listen to your shit singing.
That's it for this edition of Ask Jary. I hope I helped. If you don't like any of this, tough shit.
That's it for this edition of Ask Jary. I hope I helped. If you don't like any of this, tough shit.
By Jary
@JaryFoulFantasy
Jary is one of the stars of Foul Fantasy. When he's not shagging someone who is almost definitely your mum, he's answering your love life questions and solving your romantic quandaries.
@JaryFoulFantasy
Jary is one of the stars of Foul Fantasy. When he's not shagging someone who is almost definitely your mum, he's answering your love life questions and solving your romantic quandaries.