1 - Putting Petrol In Your Car
Did I just describe putting petrol in your car?
Or did I describe how a man takes a piss? Think about it, even women put petrol in their cars, in the exact same way that men take a piss. I like to think that the way petrol is put into cars purely evolved from men taking the hose and saying “Fuck me, this is just like taking a piss”.
2 - The Moon Landing
“Wait, you cunt” I hear you say, “didn't he die before they landed on the moon?” You're right, he did. Landing on the moon wasn't his goal, though. In March 1962, President John F Kennedy spent a weekend with Marilyn Monroe at Bing Cosby's house. America landed on the moon in 1969, because Kennedy wanted to throw one in Double-M so hard that he would do literally anything to impress her. Dicks 1 – 0 Ruskies.
3 - The First Powered Flight
It's a little known fact that the reason the Wright brothers built their plane was because the twin girls next door were as fit as a butcher's dog. Unfortunately, their Dad had built a moat and filled it with crocodiles. They needed a way to get over. In 1905, Orville finally got his leg over, whilst Wilbur died of crocodile bite related injuries. Orville never called the girl, because telephones weren't mass produced at the time.
4 - The Beatles
No, the real genius here? In 1966 Paul McCartney died. A Paul McCartney lookalike, so desperate to use his dick, pretended to be him and has done now for almost 50 years. That is 50 years of top quality shagging and low quality musical releases (Like anything by Wings) he has got under his belt. That is good thinking, with his dick.
5 - The iPod
There you have it, next time you put petrol in your car (Which is phallus shaped by the way), listen to The Beatles on your iPod while on the way to JFK to fly somewhere, just think. Remember, none of that would be happening without dicks.
Email The Cunt
A hidden face of the crew, The Cunt is main coder for Foul Entertainment games. He is currently documenting the progress of our game, Foul Fantasy, in his dev blogs.