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5 Seafood Dishes That Piss Off Vegans (30 Days of Stuff)

3/11/2016

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This article is a part of FoulENT's 30 Days of Stuff! Click here to read all 30 Days entries and be sure to come back every day in November for new stuff just like this!

We recently got inspired by the folk over at Vegan Outreach, who warned us that by 2048, our oceans could be empty from excessive over-fishing. A world with an empty ocean is truly sad and horrifying, especially since so many delicious animals live there. So, before 2048 comes, get ahead of the curve and make sure you eat these 5 delicious dishes that feature endangered sea creatures!
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Hammerhead and Mushroom Pizza

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Image Credit: bbc.co.uk
Cooked on a traditional thin and crispy Italian base, topped with the finest mozzarella from the hungriest goats, a rich and creamy tomato puree, the juiciest close-cap mushrooms, paired with the most tender chunks of hammerhead sharks from only the finest Sea Worlds across the world. This dish is crueller than denying your infant milk.
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Rata-Turtle

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Image Credit: inournaturemag.com
This dish, made famous by the Pixar movie where a rodent masters the art of cooking, is a healthy French vagatarian classic. Fuck that, let's introduce some meat into the equation. Take your standard ratatouille recipe, then swap out the aubergine, courgette and peppers for turtle meat, turtle shell and turtle meat again respectively. It's a meal so deliciously immoral that it made Ellen DeGeneres tearfully take a bite out of a blue tang.
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Manta Ray-men Noodle Soup

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Image Credit: pinimg.com
Can't find a beast in the east? Not to worry, this Japanese inspired dish uses an animal so tasty, makes the whales that Nihon dwellers hunt and eat look like drizzling shit. Using the classic combination of garlic, soy sauce, ginger, chilli and seaweed, coupled with a boiled egg and the all important noodles, make your meat of choice some fried or broiled manta ray for this noodle soup variant. Feel free to marinade the meat before hand in the tears of the Greenpeace campaigners who failed to save this species before we realised it was delicious.
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Potato Dolphin-oise

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Image Credit: whales.org
The culinary Neil Buchanan himself, Heston Blumenthal, has recently started preparing this dish at his 'Dinner By Heston' restaurant in London. The concept is simple; instead of the finely sliced and stacked layers of potato, the finest cuts of dolphin meat are introduced with every concurrent slice. Garlic and cream adorn and flavour the dish as per tradition. Gustave Lanson once said that "There is no art without commitment and suffering", and judging by this dish, Blumenthals latest creation is modern art.
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ManaT-bone Steak

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Image Credit: plantationoncrystalriver.com
This is guaranteed to be the rarest steak you've ever had, because there won't be many manatees left after making this.

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By Mike Owen
@ThatMikeOwen

The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games

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By Frank King
Email Frank King

​Frank is known for his outspoken opinions on everything and anything, as well as his next-level social network trolling. He is also the main coder for Foul ENT games and documents the progress of Foul Fantasy in his dev blogs.

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By Joe Turner
​
@apocrypha87


Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment, known for Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Disagreevances. He's also responsible for the artistic design in our games.

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