With the dawn of a new year, no doubt people have already set (And probably broken) some new years resolutions. The yearly tradition of the new years resolution is a time to set ourselves goal to become better versions of ourselves. Whether it's to lose weight, quit smoking or save for the future, it's an affirmative action that often comes with the war cry of "New year, new me!".
In other news, Donald Trump is an arse piece.
In other news, Donald Trump is an arse piece.
The batshit insane Republican candidate is running an honest yet albeit frighteningly blinkered presidential campaign, and is currently the front runner in the primaries. Which is frightening. We decided that Ol' Donny should probably set out some new years resolutions to make himself less of a terrible example of humanity. Here's 5 resolutions that could take Trump from being a monumental arsehole to just a regular one.
Stop Running For President
Image Credit: businessinsider.com
This one's a bit of an easy target, and a bit obvious, but that makes it all the more prevalent. Trump is as much of a politician as your Facebook friends are experts on the Middle East Crisis, in that they all have one-sided, highly racist opinions, and would be terribly dangerous in any position of power. Hearing Trump at a debate is like going around your elderly grandparents on Christmas, when the come out with their best unhinged, unfiltered racism, with such classics like "alright for a darkie" and "Mexicans are bringing drugs, bringing crime and they're rapists". For the sake of common decency, Trump should reconsider his controversial stance on running for president, by not running for president.
Stop Trying to Build a Wall Around America to Keep Out Mexicans
Image Credit: cnn.com
This is pretty much a part two of the previous point, but Trump's stance on immigration is a bit insane. Trump has pledged to build a massive wall on the border with Mexico and get Mexico to fund it's construction. Not only is that hugely presumptuous on Trumps part, but it's also a stupid idea. We've all seen how effective building walls to divide people has been over the years: The Great Wall of China didn't pose any theatre to Genghis Khan, The Berlin Wall was pulled down by it own residents, and Wall Maria in Attack on Titan got it's shit kicked in in the first episode of the series! Walls just don't work at solving problems.
Trump claims that there isn't a problem you can't solve by building a wall. So there you have it folks! Got financial issues? Recently had a life altering medical emergency? Had Jary just slammed your missus? Just whack a wall up and all those Mexicans causing your problems will definitely got figure a way around it.
Trump claims that there isn't a problem you can't solve by building a wall. So there you have it folks! Got financial issues? Recently had a life altering medical emergency? Had Jary just slammed your missus? Just whack a wall up and all those Mexicans causing your problems will definitely got figure a way around it.
Grow Some Real Hair, Then Cut It
Image Credit: debreifdaily.com
Have you seen Donald Trump's hair? It looks like a toupee that starting going bald, so it bought another toupee. It looks like a taxidermy that's gone wrong. It looks shit, that's what we're getting at. Maybe his attention has been drawn elsewhere (See points 1 and 2), so we think that Trump should spend a bit of time working on his image. Perhaps a healthy rode of Rogaine might make some real hair appear on that weird, puffy orange head of his.
Change Your Last Name
Image Credit: memegenerator.net
We're not trying to redefine marriage, as most anti-gay Trump voters would say, but Trump should also consider a change of surname. Maybe this is a British problem, but it surely can't have escaped people attention. Trump is, of course, a euphemism for a fart. It quickly becomes comical when you read political headlines and replace 'Trump' with 'Fart'. Here's a cracking example: "Cruz Shrugs Off Fart Questioning His Citizenship", it's pretty comical. Not that many people take Trump seriously anyway, but a quick go on the old deed poll wouldn't hurt a jot.
Make Another Cameo in a future Home Alone Movie
Image Credit: joblo.com
Name the last time you enjoyed Trump. His election rally? Racist Twitter posts? Not even close. The Apprentice USA? Getting warmer. The last thing that Donald Trump appeared in that everyone seemed to enjoy was Home Alone 2; a film where Macaulay Culkin was neither home, nor alone. The future ex-presidential candidate made a cameo appearance as a hotel guest, presumably just playing himself perusing some of the many walls he has claimed to have built. Whilst Trump does have a high approval rating from complete morons, there's only one sure fire way to win over the other half of America: Nostalgia baiting.
People love nostalgia, that's why Star Wars: The Force Awakens has made all the money ever by remaking the original Star Wars note for note. Get Trump a few high profile cameos in blockbuster movies, like a potential Home Alone 6, and the public would go crazy too see more of him. They'd be making crazy theories about how his cameos all exist in the same movie universe. Nerds would eat that shit up, and they'd all probably vote for him afterwards, in some sort of crazy protest-come-popularity vote that would rival Schwarzenegger's stint as Governor of California.
Only if he cuts his hair and changes his name from Fart, anyway.
People love nostalgia, that's why Star Wars: The Force Awakens has made all the money ever by remaking the original Star Wars note for note. Get Trump a few high profile cameos in blockbuster movies, like a potential Home Alone 6, and the public would go crazy too see more of him. They'd be making crazy theories about how his cameos all exist in the same movie universe. Nerds would eat that shit up, and they'd all probably vote for him afterwards, in some sort of crazy protest-come-popularity vote that would rival Schwarzenegger's stint as Governor of California.
Only if he cuts his hair and changes his name from Fart, anyway.
By Mike Owen
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games.
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games.