So, now I’m back in my on/off relationship with Mrs. Palm, I figured now would be as good a time as any to trial some of these services and show you my experiences with them. Keep in mind, this isn’t a guide on how to ‘win’ at online dating, just a simple experiment so see what fun we can derive from it.
Of course, you’ll want to bolster your profile a bit, with few photos and a brief description of yourself. I basically added any photo where I’m in a costume, to hide my… everything. And my profile description? Well…
What I quickly discovered is that I hate people on Tinder just as much as I do in real life. Almost every woman was plastered in about three coats of makeup and presumably varnish. I swiped right (Meaning I liked the look of someone) maybe four times in half an hour. I know the expression is that beggars can’t be choosers, but I reckon I’d be happier being a beggar from the first initial batch. Was this a sign that I had stupidly high standards? Honestly, if any of these girls had put something about playing Pokemon in their profiles, I’d have swiped right even if they were a goddamn ham planet. Maybe not for a date, but just get this fucking Gengar to evolve.
Something else I noticed was that at some point between signing up and setting up my profile; I had entered a strange future where all eyebrows had been eradicated and people were forced to draw them back on. Who in the fuck thinks this looks natural?
I will say this about the app, it normally runs quite smoothly. It’s prone to crashes, yes, but I think the temperature of my phone has something to do with that. And the UI is fairly good too. That is not to say that I have accidentally swiped the wrong way more than a few times. Here’s my biggest gripe, though: In order to view someone’s profile (You know, the bit you should actually care about), you have to tap the picture. Tap with a bit of an angle and whoops, you’ve just swiped. I can name a few times when I was interested in what I saw and accidentally dismissed them because of the angle of my tap. Equally, I’m hoping some of the mental cases whose profiles I was laughing at and accidentally liked don’t make a match with me. That will get weird fast.
Speaking of, another match! This time, Miki.
Oh, and I take back what I said yesterday. This app crashes more than a Malaysian Airlines flight.
Nope. Here’s the only match and conversation that took place.
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games.