There is an unwritten rule throughout social convention that one should never outstay their welcome. Over the years, we have learnt that there exists a mutual code of conduct which should result in all parties going their separate ways once everything which needs discussing has been addressed. This time last year I was dating a girl who regularly came to my place and refused to leave, to the point where I began studying techniques to prepare for her eventual dismissal. I felt like a complete shit afterwards, and I knew that I shouldn't have to revert to off-hand tactics to get people to go away. But this got me thinking; maybe the unwritten code isn't so universal after all? Had the rules changed in the past few years and I wasn't aware? Maybe we just do the whole thing online now?
Image Credit: unknown
But then I think; no, surely not? Maybe the goal posts are just slightly altered depending on your outlook on things? Even when notoriously out of touch with reality celebrity asshole Louis Walsh understands the concept, it can’t be that hard for the normal people of the world to fathom?
Or maybe I spoke too soon.
Or maybe I spoke too soon.
#4 - Shit Cover Songs
Music is an important part of the world we live in. We don’t know when music began and it’s still around now. Chances are it’s still going to be here when our grandchildren are grown up and when people are celebrating Kanye West’s long overdue death. We may as well get used to it.
Image Credit: weknowmemes.com
Cover songs, then. Why take the time to write your own damn song when you can just steal someone else’s? The older I get the more reluctant I am to take the sandpaper out of my ears and listen to whatever shit happens to be on the radio. Having being forced against my will to listen to such garbage in recent months, I came to the conclusion that no one in popular music understands the point of cover songs.
Sweet Dreams by Marilyn Manson, Rasputin by Turisas, this incredible version of The Catalyst by Pendulum. These are how cover songs should be done. The bands covering them have put their own stamp on the song and made it into something completely different or better. There’s no point playing someone else’s song note for note because people may as well listen to the original.
Enter the mainstream music industry, when covering someone else’s material is easy money. Bullshit artists like these punchable faced cunts will throw out a cover song without giving a second thoughts to such important things as the original lyrical content being about stalking thus making it kinda creepy when sung by five guys.
Sweet Dreams by Marilyn Manson, Rasputin by Turisas, this incredible version of The Catalyst by Pendulum. These are how cover songs should be done. The bands covering them have put their own stamp on the song and made it into something completely different or better. There’s no point playing someone else’s song note for note because people may as well listen to the original.
Enter the mainstream music industry, when covering someone else’s material is easy money. Bullshit artists like these punchable faced cunts will throw out a cover song without giving a second thoughts to such important things as the original lyrical content being about stalking thus making it kinda creepy when sung by five guys.
Image Credit: rip-share.blogspot.com
Somehow, this might be an improvement.
I may be biased, as my favourite type of music died in 1989, but when I find myself agreeing with Noel Gallagher, then maybe I’m right for once.
#3 - Found Footage Movies
Ever since Paranormal Activity became the most profitable film ever made in 2009, producers and directors alike have been trying to capitalise on this phenomenon by doing exactly the same thing over and over again. In a shocking display of Hollywood not knowing what it's doing, the Paranormal Activity franchise is becoming more and more shit with each film, which will result in its inevitable death in a few years time.
‘Hooray’, you might be saying, but what about all the other similar types of movies which are clogging up our collective Netflix Recommended lists? Well, it should be noted that not all Found Footage movies are rubbish. Infact, there are some really awesome ones. The Poughkeepsie Tapes is my personal favourite, along with Lake Mungo and Megan Is Missing, but these films serve the point of films. They tell a story through a gimmick narrative which is perfectly designed for such a story. A point which has been noticeably missed by walking dollar signs sitting in Hollywood offices
‘Hooray’, you might be saying, but what about all the other similar types of movies which are clogging up our collective Netflix Recommended lists? Well, it should be noted that not all Found Footage movies are rubbish. Infact, there are some really awesome ones. The Poughkeepsie Tapes is my personal favourite, along with Lake Mungo and Megan Is Missing, but these films serve the point of films. They tell a story through a gimmick narrative which is perfectly designed for such a story. A point which has been noticeably missed by walking dollar signs sitting in Hollywood offices
Image Credit: vulture.com
Pictured: Hollywood after 50 Shades' premiere weekend
Now that this gimmick has been abused like an African boy in Oxford, it’s becoming increasingly more difficult for new films using this storytelling device to ever make a cultural impact like Paranormal Activity did. Although VHS is a very unique film, for every VHS we have another Grave Encounters, obvious rip offs of Paranormal Activity and even movies which the producers couldn’t be bothered to think of a title for.
Remember; different doesn’t always mean good
Remember; different doesn’t always mean good
#2 - Selfies
Last week I went to Phoenix Nights Live, which involved a bunch of famous British comedians playing the parts of fictional characters to an audience of thousands. One part involved Peter Kay and Paddy McGuinness getting amongst the audience to play the part of their awesome doormen role. At one point, a woman in the audience jumped up next to Peter Kay and proceeded to waste our time for five seconds while she posed with him to take a picture of herself while most of the audience looked on confused. From the other side of the room, Paddy McGuinness shouted across "Tell that stupid bitch to sit down!" Peter Kay then reiterated to her; "Paddy says, tell that stupid to bitch to sit down. I don’t know if you've noticed, love, but we’re at work here".
In-character banter? Yes. Genuine grievance? Yeah, I reckon.
Selfies have become a staple in our collective culture. The compulsion to take a picture of ourselves in any situation has become normal. I personally remember when they were called ‘selfshots’ and were used exclusively in porn but those days are gone. Now, it’s perfectly normal to want to take a picture of an awesome moment and that’s fine. But my Facebook feed is regularly inundated with bullshit pictures of people’s faces, usually 5-10 at a time all in very similar poses. Now I have two questions; who cares and why?
In-character banter? Yes. Genuine grievance? Yeah, I reckon.
Selfies have become a staple in our collective culture. The compulsion to take a picture of ourselves in any situation has become normal. I personally remember when they were called ‘selfshots’ and were used exclusively in porn but those days are gone. Now, it’s perfectly normal to want to take a picture of an awesome moment and that’s fine. But my Facebook feed is regularly inundated with bullshit pictures of people’s faces, usually 5-10 at a time all in very similar poses. Now I have two questions; who cares and why?
Image Credit: twitter.com
You've only taken the bins out, you silly bitch. Put the fucking phone away.
Evidence suggests that social media and selfies in particular are turning us into narcissistic assholes and I can fully believe that this is true. It’s also making things like Facebook become our sole identity. I.e. we only go to the gym so we can look good in selfies, we only go out with friends so we can take pictures of ourselves with them. All this is equating to alienating your friends and confirming that you’re really, really shallow.
The past few years I’ve noticed that my closest friends very rarely, if ever, post such bullshit on their social media accounts. I’m not being biased, but my friends are the most interesting people I know. They have fully-formed personalities and are completely comfortable with who they are. They have their own interests and feel no need to share them with an imaginary audience. They need no justification from people who they hardly know. But people in my life who I just sort of ‘know’ seem to be the people who post endless photos of themselves. I know I joke about such things, but it’s possible that such people could be omitting signs of Body Dysmorphic Disorder, incredibly low self esteem, or just plain wanting to kill yourself.
The past few years I’ve noticed that my closest friends very rarely, if ever, post such bullshit on their social media accounts. I’m not being biased, but my friends are the most interesting people I know. They have fully-formed personalities and are completely comfortable with who they are. They have their own interests and feel no need to share them with an imaginary audience. They need no justification from people who they hardly know. But people in my life who I just sort of ‘know’ seem to be the people who post endless photos of themselves. I know I joke about such things, but it’s possible that such people could be omitting signs of Body Dysmorphic Disorder, incredibly low self esteem, or just plain wanting to kill yourself.
I just ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon. I'll let you know.
— Mike Owen (@ThatMikeOwen) November 19, 2014
A massive cry for help, if ever I saw one.
Next time you’re thinking about spending hours taking that perfect selfie, wait a while, maybe until there’s a giant whale in the background to make it more interesting. And no, I don’t mean your fat friend.
#1 - Zombies
Zombies are fucking everywhere. They’ve been used to the point of ridiculousness and everybody is fucking tired of them. Putting them in a Nazi outfit or giving them some other stupid gimmick doesn’t make them any more relevant, it just makes them twice as stupid. I’m so tired of Nazi Zombies, they’re so... overused. God bless you, The Stick of Truth.
Even the guy who invented the god damn genre is tired of their bullshit, and in 2012 I had the privilege of speaking to the horror legend Rob Zombie at one of his UK shows and he told me that his new film (at the time it was Lords of Salem) was going to be a psychological horror, because he was so sick of bullshit zombie and vampire films. This is a man who has the word zombie in his fucking name and even he’s had enough of their shit. The biggest culprit of overusing zombies comes from the gaming world, and shows no sign of slowing down with at least another seven massive zombie games coming this year.
Even the guy who invented the god damn genre is tired of their bullshit, and in 2012 I had the privilege of speaking to the horror legend Rob Zombie at one of his UK shows and he told me that his new film (at the time it was Lords of Salem) was going to be a psychological horror, because he was so sick of bullshit zombie and vampire films. This is a man who has the word zombie in his fucking name and even he’s had enough of their shit. The biggest culprit of overusing zombies comes from the gaming world, and shows no sign of slowing down with at least another seven massive zombie games coming this year.
Image Credit: burce.ch
Even zombies are bored of being zombies.
The film industry is no better, with more generic formulaic zombie wankfests coming our way, which happens to include the cringe worthy titled ‘comedy’ Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
Oh at well. At least literature still has some merit.
Maybe not.
Oh at well. At least literature still has some merit.
Maybe not.
By Joe Turner
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment and the author and deviser of Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main player on Disagreevances. He's also responsible for the bulk of the artistic design in our upcoming gaming department.
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment and the author and deviser of Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main player on Disagreevances. He's also responsible for the bulk of the artistic design in our upcoming gaming department.