Idiots on my Facebook feed have recently been sharing a stupid article entitled ‘19 Real Life Examples of An Extroverted Introvert So You Don’t Get Confused’. The title of this article alone is enough to make me want to drown your pets and kick your fence down because, as difficult as you might find it to believe, I don’t spend a large percentage of my day worrying if I’ve incorrectly labeled you as an extrovert when you’re clearly an introverted extrovert or vice versa. Infact, do you know how exactly how much of a percentage of my day I think about such things?
Zero percent. And so does everyone else.
The author of this piece whose name I don’t care about starts the article with a boring story about how he was reading a book on a Saturday night, but then his friend called him and asked him if he wanted to go out. This alien situation which very few people have ever found themselves was almost too much for our sensitive narrator, who claims that ‘it took half an hour and a significant amount of energy for me to put down my book, pick up my phone, and call him to figure out the plan for that night’.
This guy already sounds like a complete asshole. Hey, dipshit, if it’s so hard to put down your book, don’t do it. No one’s forcing you to do anything. But guess what our asshole narrator then did. He called his friend and went out. And danced! Can you believe it, guys? A guy who reads books but also dances!? Holy shit. Call the police.
He then says something about introverts and extroverts not being a fully formed state of mind, and people can, infact, be a mixture of the two.
This guy already sounds like a complete asshole. Hey, dipshit, if it’s so hard to put down your book, don’t do it. No one’s forcing you to do anything. But guess what our asshole narrator then did. He called his friend and went out. And danced! Can you believe it, guys? A guy who reads books but also dances!? Holy shit. Call the police.
He then says something about introverts and extroverts not being a fully formed state of mind, and people can, infact, be a mixture of the two.
He then condescends his audience with this line:
No, it isn’t confusing. It’s actually quite straight forward. You’re just a twat.
I am going to put this in terms that even this dumbass will understand. You are not an extroverted introvert. Nor are you an introverted extrovert. You are not a combination of either of these things. You are a regular person and are nothing special.
I am going to put this in terms that even this dumbass will understand. You are not an extroverted introvert. Nor are you an introverted extrovert. You are not a combination of either of these things. You are a regular person and are nothing special.
The sole reason words like ‘introvert’ and extrovert’ exist are to be able to categorise extremes. Labelling yourself a combination of the two would be like saying you’re a vegetarian carnivore. Sometimes you eat meat, but sometimes you don’t. The only reason this stupid article exists is so social media dwelling morons can share it and write useless statements like ‘this is me’ or ‘so true’. It gives people the opportunity to label themselves as ‘geeks’ and ‘nerds’ but without the negative stigmas attached to such a label. The positive stigma of also being an ‘extrovert’ outweighs the negative aspects of geekery such as having no friends and not washing.
Anyway, I thought this would be a perfect time to confess my professionally self-diagnosed status. I am an Extroverted Introverted Pervert. This means that sometimes I want to go out and meet easy women at the Dog & Feathers, but I am just as happy staying at your Mom’s house and giving her a bash. I also don’t mind sitting alone and wanking myself dry over pictures of your sister. Here are some examples of situations I regularly find myself in, and I will explain them in graphic detail so you don’t get confused.
Anyway, I thought this would be a perfect time to confess my professionally self-diagnosed status. I am an Extroverted Introverted Pervert. This means that sometimes I want to go out and meet easy women at the Dog & Feathers, but I am just as happy staying at your Mom’s house and giving her a bash. I also don’t mind sitting alone and wanking myself dry over pictures of your sister. Here are some examples of situations I regularly find myself in, and I will explain them in graphic detail so you don’t get confused.
We’re often quiet, but this doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk
Image Credit: strangezoo.com
Although I am probably thinking about having sex with your better looking sister, or your uglier sister.
But just because we like being around people, doesn’t mean we want to talk
Image Credit: erobison.wordpress.com
Sometimes I just like to sit quietly in large groups while I think about more important things, like the size of Vanessa Feltz’s tits, sans bra.
We like hanging out one on one better than in groups
Image Credit: datedaily.mate1.com
If we’re hanging around one on one, chances are you’re a bird, and if we’re one on one, chances are I’m going to end up balls deep in your minge.
We suck at responding to texts because sometimes we don’t want to talk – specifically to you
Image Credit: bucultureshock.com
If I haven’t responded to your text, it’s not because I’m sitting alone, it’s because you’re a twat and I don’t want to talk to you. Or it’s because I’m busy texting people who matter (birds).
We’re open to meeting your other friends. Just let us know ahead of time that we’ll be meeting new people so we can mentally prepare ourselves to socialize
Image Credit: mubi.com
It takes a lot of willpower for me to prepare myself before meeting new people. I need to shave my balls and sometimes the underside of my dick. I need to lather my chest in Brut and make sure my mom has washed my lucky shagging pants.
Despite needing our alone time, sometimes we do get lonely
Image Credit: screenrant.com
Haha, just kidding! We don’t get lonely. Anyone know how to block incoming calls on an iPhone?
We’ll happily chat up your parents/friends/girlfriend/boyfriend/boss/etc., but once it’s over, we require silence
Image Credit: mlpforums.com
I copied this one from the original article because it’s so fucking stupid. Oh, boo fucking hoo. You need silence? Has it used up all your ‘energy’? Well here’s a question. What makes you think my parents, friends, girlfriend, boyfriend or boss want to talk to you in the first place? Who gives a shit about you? All you seem to do is fucking complain. Just kill yourself.
Because we can be outgoing and calculated at the same time, sometimes we end up being leaders. But that does not mean we want praise, nor do we want to talk about how great we are
Image Credit: giantbomb.com
Yes. Apparently this is true.
We bounce between wanting to be noticed for our hard work to panicking over the thought of somebody else paying more than 30 seconds of attention to us
Yes. Apparently this is also true, despite being completely contradictory to the previous statement. Panicking when people look at us are great qualities for a leader. When Malcolm X famously dispersed an entire horde of violent protesters with a single hand gesture, it’s a little known fact that he was panicking inside because people were paying attention to him for more than 30 seconds.
If we like you, we really like you. We’re extremely picky about who we spend our time and energy on. If we’ve hung out multiple times, take it as a compliment
Hahahaha. For fuck’s sake. Even I’m sick of this shit now.
By Joe Turner
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment, known for Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Disagreevances. He's also responsible for the artistic design in our games.
Joe is one of the many writers we have at Foul Entertainment, known for Plenty Of Catfish. He is a main stay on the voice cast for Disagreevances. He's also responsible for the artistic design in our games.