Proverbs are great. They're little ditties of truth wrapped up with good moral fibre. Thing is, society has changed a little since the day of Aesop, Chaucer and your nan. To quote billionaire hypocrite Bob Geldof, 'the times, they are a-changin'. So lets get some of the English languages most well-known phrases bang up to date!
A bird's bush in your hand is worth a WKD Blue
A proverb that hearkens back to anyone who remembers when fingering was the pinnacle of your life, most common for boys aged between 12 and 15.
Women: Can't live with 'em, because of the court order
A twist on the popular phrase disparaging women's disobedience, with the added perspective of domestic abuse for an overall more sobering tone. Can also work in reverse (i.e. women beating seven shades of shit out of a bloke), but apparently, that's perfectly okay for some reason. "Equality".
A fool and his money are soon celebrated on social media, if the fool is good looking or stupid enough
Just fucking look at DJ Kaled and you'll know what we mean. Seriously. This fucker managed to get stranded at sea on a jet-ski and people still wanna be like this dumbfuck.
If the mountain won't come to Muhammad, then Muhammad needs to lay off the wacky baccy
Seriously, most religious texts already read like a bad drugs trip, so don't take your hotbox to the next level if landmasses have achieved velocity. Incidentally, the last time I saw a mountain move, I was watching Pompeii off my tits.
Man does not live by bread alone, and 20p to toast that shit is a fucking ripoff, Subway!
Who the fuck eats flatbread untoasted? It's starchy, cake-like gross shit before you toast it. By design, it's MEANT to be toasted. But fucking kid-diddling Jared over here reckons I should fork over another 20 of the Queens English pence to have my lunch the way it's meant to be prepared? Get fucked mate, that's like serving chicken medium rare; some cunt is gonna end up in the hospital if you try to pull this shit.
Rob Peter
Looting is awesome. Incidentally, this one is popular in Texas right now.
When In Rome, don't go to Cassio Pizza 'cause it's bare expensive
An idiom to remind us that tourism only harms the consumer.
Those who do not learn from history post stupid shit on Tumblr
It is just a matter of time until those black-only "safe spaces" have their own water fountains. And when that day comes, all sense of awareness will truly be lost.
Red sky at night, pint and a fight. Red sky in the morning, you've crushed your cornea
Anyone who's grown up in, near or around pubs in England (Read as: In England) knows that age old practice of a pint and a fight. But a word of warning; if you've been glassed, you might want to check the damage wasn't lasting.
Possession is nine points of the law, dealing is 14 years at least
Treat your dealer right, keep him on the streets. Also, if you're dealing, I'm looking to score a ten bag. Hit me up on Tinder. That's what people do nowadays, yeah?
Can you think of any more? Hit us up in the comments, on Facebook or Twitter with your modern day proverbs!
Can you think of any more? Hit us up in the comments, on Facebook or Twitter with your modern day proverbs!
By Mike Owen
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games
@ThatMikeOwen
The Editor in Chief of Foul Entertainment, Mike edits most of what you see on the site. He runs the production of our podcasts, and currently pens Pop Culture Club and The Death of Video Games