The makers of the popular card game 'Cards Against Humanity' once again pranked their customers on Black Friday by selling them absolutely nothing. A spokesman from the company ingeniously named 'Cards Against Humanity LLC' had this to say "We didn't prank anyone. We told them they were getting nothing, and they did. It's funny because I used most of the money to buy a suit of armour and then gave some charity for spastics $50. Awesome right?"
Anonymous today hacked over 5000 ISIS Twitter accounts in an attack that most people are calling "fucking hilarious". An Anonymous spokesman told us that "this is only the start, those 72 virgins plan on taking suicide pills so they can bum them again in the afterlife"
Despite the general consensus, Mondays are officially NOT our least productive day in the office. Studies have shown that workplace motivation is at its lowest point at the very middle of the week. A Wednesday afternoon.
However, steel company Caparo in the West Midlands have managed to combat the mid-week blues by initiating a rather intuitive scheme to their workforce.
A local racist has today decided to change his Facebook profile picture to one with the French flag superimposed over his grinning bald head.
"I mean I hate the French, don't get me wrong. Just last week I posted a picture about an old bloke not being able to find any Frenchmen to show his passport to on D-Day."
In a shocking excerpt from his tell all book, Jihadi John: My Favourite Meat Islam, Jihadi John has revealed that the afterlife is pretty sweet, except that Fred West has buried away all the best virgins. Literally!
"I got here as a holy martyr, thinking that I would get serious treatment, you know like Hugh Hefner gets, but it turned out that basically religion got a few things wrong. For starters, anyone who murders Westerners gets to go to Muslim heaven. So Harold Shipman and Hitler are the big daddies here. Fred West though, he is a proper selfish bastard. Everytime a new virgin comes up, he picks them up in his van and buries them under his porch! I've got nuts like tins of fussels milk!"
Bill Murray may not be in the leading role for the new Ghostbusters movie, but today he has signed to to produce and star in a new TV series where he busts celebrity ghosts.
The 65 year old actor, known for his iconic role as Peter Venkman, will appear in 'Who Ya Gonna Call?', which is slated to start on ABC next autumn. The inauragal episode will focus on Murray busting the ghost of his former co-star Harold Ramis.
In an exclusive scoop, we have managed to get an interview with the only prostitute to take advantage of Downton Abbey's popularity, and all it cost us was £50. For unprotected anal on a dirty mattress in an alley way.
AIn a move that only people under the age of 70 will understand, long dead comedy duo Abbot and Costello are suing Doctor Who from 1953.
While this may seem nonsensical to most normal people in the world, fans of the long running BBC Science Fiction documentary will find it easy to understand, mainly due to their experience of watching Doctor Who.
As the Michelin guide was once again released today, a spokesman has given us an exclusive interview about it. So without further ado, here is Roger Tarquin Ponceworth-Smyth.
Foul Ent: So we were wondering, with the winter months drawing in, should we go with wet tyres all the time, or change them over depending on the weather?
RTP-S: Do you know what the Michelin guide is?
FE: It's about tyres and shit isn't it?
In a press release which has shocked no one, ITV have confirmed a fourteenth season of Piers Morgan's Life Stories will be debuting in early 2016.