Tom Jones Says "It's Not Unusual To Be Called Black, HUAGH"

Legendary Welsh singer Tom Jones today claimed that he has always known he was black due to the similarities he has always noticed with other black people he has met.

"For starters, HUAGH, all the black people I've met have been fabulously wealthy" said the iron lunged songsmith, "secondly I have got a right, HUAGH, fucking weapon in my pants if you know what I mean. My cock boyo, I've got a massive cock."

Standing at the bottom of his giant mansion in the middle of the Arizona desert, Mr Jones continued his possibly racist, definitely insane rambling, "I mean it's not just big, Elvis had a big dick, for a white boy anyway, HUAGH, but mine is one that could turn a straight woman into a gay one!"

As the assembled press began to awkwardly stare at their feet, Jones got more and more animated "I first thought I could be black when I watched M*A*S*H, and there was a black guy in it named Jones. Then I noticed I could sing like a mother fucker, HUAGH, and obviously my outlandishly large penis."

"Then when I got famous all the black people I met were just like me, Aretha Franklin - super rich, Chuck Berry - super rich, Dr Dr Dre - super rich. It just kept happening. HUAGH, then me and Dre compared cocks and mine was bigger than his! I just knew, I had to be black."

"Huagh, have I mentioned my massive dick yet?"