Thousands of Sports Direct Warehouse workers are set to receive back pay adding up to £1 million after the government imposed sanctions on the "you get what you pay for" retailer. The payment deal is expected to not include any actual money, but be paid in waterproof walking jackets that the company had laying about in the warehouse. A spokesman for Sports Direct told us "While this may seem like a bad deal at first, you have to realise these coats can be sold for 5 times their mark up, so really we are giving these people £5 million. It isn't that hard to shift tons of poor quality cheap sports gear, we do it every day and Mike Ashley is worth billions!"
The revelation that Sports Direct was underpaying its warehouse staff came after an undercover Guardian reporter worked for the company for three years, surviving on nothing but Pot Noodles and Mayfair menthol cigarettes. Eton alumni Tarquin Richparents told FoulENT "It was horrible, I had to talk to peasants and lift things. It was a good job I still had my Guardian salary to pay for my penthouse and double espresso choco mocha late-cino every single day. I don't know how those people survived, one man couldn't pay his rent so I said 'why don't you ask your Mumsy?' but he just kept crying into his can of Pepsi Max."
Warehouse worker Thai Kanadvantageof said "It's not true justice, they should really give us the money they owe us. but when you have to spend 15 minutes at the end of every shift being strip searched and having a cavity search, getting a coat instead of nothing is the least of your worries."
Warehouse worker Thai Kanadvantageof said "It's not true justice, they should really give us the money they owe us. but when you have to spend 15 minutes at the end of every shift being strip searched and having a cavity search, getting a coat instead of nothing is the least of your worries."
When asked for a comment Mike Ashley replied "I don't give a shit. Have you ever smelled someone who works in a warehouse? They could do with a new coat the scruffy bastards."
Image credit: mirror.co.uk
Image credit: mirror.co.uk