Pokemon Go is the latest craze that is taking the world by storm. The game combines virtual reality with the hit Japanese franchise which most people thought ended years ago but apparently hasn’t, in a unique experience which allows the user to see Pokemon as though they were in the real world.
Locations of most Pokemon depend on the time of day the user is playing, however the rarest of Pokemon are hidden in specific locations throughout the world, causing die hard fans to go to extreme, and often dangerous lengths to capture the hard-to-find creatures.
Locations of most Pokemon depend on the time of day the user is playing, however the rarest of Pokemon are hidden in specific locations throughout the world, causing die hard fans to go to extreme, and often dangerous lengths to capture the hard-to-find creatures.
Jason Acneface from Wiltshire is one such fan. He claimed the world first capture of legendary Pokemon Moltres by locating an abandoned chemicals facility in a bordered off area of Ukraine. He spent five solid days inhaling toxic gasses and keeping himself sustained by eating vermin and drinking his own urine. Jason was on the verge of death when Moltres finally showed up, to which Jason spend a further two days battling with the beast until he eventually captured it, cementing himself as the most revered person on the Pokemon Go subreddit.
Since the epic showdown, locations of other mysterious Pokemon have surfaced, with the game designers going as far to even confirm the locations themselves. Zapdos was confirmed to be hidden inside David Cameron’s tax bill, and Articuno was said to be found at a vegan restaurant. Yet despite these difficult locations, Jason is confident he’ll be able to capture them. However, there is one Pokemon which has been considered ‘uncapturable’ by the hardcore players, Jason included.
Mew, the 151st Pokemon, has been confirmed to be located inside every woman’s vagina.
Although Jason has brought himself face to face with death in order to appear better than his friends, he has been unable to capture Mew due to being the kind of person who plays Pokemon Go.
We caught up with Jason to see how he felt on the matter. ‘It’s insulting to us players that they would put Mew in such an impossible location’, he said as he was traversing through quicksand in the Syrian desert to locate a rare Dragonite. ‘We all have our limits’.
In the original Red, Blue and Yellow Pokemon games, Mew was only available via cheating. Some Pokemon Go players are now considering the same approach to capturing the new version.
‘The game designers missed a trick when they implemented Mew,’ said Jason. ‘Our moms have vaginas. Some of the guys are considering going down that route. We can just reach inside our mom’s lettuces and capture Mew that way.’
However, the players hit a stumbling block once again, as the mothers of every single player instantly had their vaginas sewn shut when they realised they had given birth to the kind of person who plays Pokemon Go.
‘I might have to give up on this one,’ concluded Jason.
Since the epic showdown, locations of other mysterious Pokemon have surfaced, with the game designers going as far to even confirm the locations themselves. Zapdos was confirmed to be hidden inside David Cameron’s tax bill, and Articuno was said to be found at a vegan restaurant. Yet despite these difficult locations, Jason is confident he’ll be able to capture them. However, there is one Pokemon which has been considered ‘uncapturable’ by the hardcore players, Jason included.
Mew, the 151st Pokemon, has been confirmed to be located inside every woman’s vagina.
Although Jason has brought himself face to face with death in order to appear better than his friends, he has been unable to capture Mew due to being the kind of person who plays Pokemon Go.
We caught up with Jason to see how he felt on the matter. ‘It’s insulting to us players that they would put Mew in such an impossible location’, he said as he was traversing through quicksand in the Syrian desert to locate a rare Dragonite. ‘We all have our limits’.
In the original Red, Blue and Yellow Pokemon games, Mew was only available via cheating. Some Pokemon Go players are now considering the same approach to capturing the new version.
‘The game designers missed a trick when they implemented Mew,’ said Jason. ‘Our moms have vaginas. Some of the guys are considering going down that route. We can just reach inside our mom’s lettuces and capture Mew that way.’
However, the players hit a stumbling block once again, as the mothers of every single player instantly had their vaginas sewn shut when they realised they had given birth to the kind of person who plays Pokemon Go.
‘I might have to give up on this one,’ concluded Jason.
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