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Randy Rhoads Actual Cause of Death Revealed; Slept With Sharon Osbourne Bareback

24/10/2015

40 Comments

 
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In a shocking reveal from declassified documents, the actual cause of death of Randy Rhoads has finally been uncovered. New evidence has surfaced, and some of Randy’s closest confidants have since come forward with further details.

The former Ozzy Osbourne guitarist, rumoured to have died in a plane crash in 1982, was actually seen engaging in sexual congress with Sharon Osbourne on the night of his untimely death.

A source close to the pair said that Randy and Sharon had been drinking and doing drugs until the early hours of the morning, which eventually culminated in Randy asking around ‘if anyone had any rubbers.’  

‘To Randy’s credit, he searched high and low for a rubber johnny that night. When our bus driver asked Randy why he didn’t just pull out, Randy, who at the time was smoking three cigarettes at once, boldly claimed ‘I’m not going in THERE bareback.’’

Randy’s excessive drug usage was widely documented throughout his short lived career, but even he had his boundaries.

‘There was this one time when Randy injected heroin into his japs eyes for a laugh. Another time Ozzy dared him to pour cocaine in his eyes. Randy was fearless when it came new ways to experiment. No depraved act could phase him. Or so we thought, anyway.’

Recently-declassified documents from a coroner’s office in Orlando, Florida were discovered claiming that Randy Rhoads had died of ‘extrema lassitudine dick’, or extreme dick fatigue. The documents bore no evidence of the supposed plane crash which is claimed to have taken his life.

‘What we believe is that Randy was looking for that next high, but went too far. It eventually led him to a painful, agonising death from severe lacerations and burning. Much like the official story of him joy-riding a plane and crashing,’ said the inside source.

Rumours of Randy and Sharon Osbourne sleeping together have been rife since the incident thirty years ago, but has constantly been denied by officials.  

‘All we know is that something went on between the two that night. Randy foolishly went balls deep inside Sharon, and he never lived to tell the tale. It just goes to show, every man has his limits. I just wish that one of us had a rubber johnny on us that night, and maybe Randy would still be here today.’

Sharon Osbourne was unable to be reached for questioning.

Ozzy was contacted, but we couldn’t understand a word he said.

40 Comments
Douglas Cramer link
31/10/2017 12:44:24 am

Oh

Reply
William Allen link
16/10/2019 02:36:49 am

I heard he was having it with a horse and accidentally got stepped on when it got off!!

Reply
Vance
4/9/2020 10:47:30 pm

This article is the biggest bunch of 🐃💩..and the jackass that wrote it should.be punched in the throat

Reply
Jimmy
24/5/2021 06:24:52 pm

Let's find the asshole that wrote this article!

Joe link
24/5/2021 06:46:17 pm

Hi Vance. I wrote this article. I can be reached via www.joeturnerbooks.com. Message me and I'll kindly explain why extreme dick fatigue is no joke.

matt
24/10/2021 09:44:33 pm

i agree its disgraceful to say that about possibly the best guitarist to ever live. The guy who wrote this should have been in the plane! Randy is my guitarhero and his music will live on forever!

DaddyDoeBucks
9/12/2022 10:23:37 am

I totally agree! Don't fuck with a legend...especially a dead one! Have a little class! Just a little!

Roads,randy link
1/6/2021 10:21:07 am

Hi" I did not lay ozzy's wife bitch,"

Reply
Dave James link
5/9/2022 03:28:08 am

I believe it Sharon got around so did ozzy. Shoron was ozzy’s handler for the crown and mi6 or 5 cannot
remember what one
Rock -n- Roll was murdered deliberately to make way for 80’s-90’s that type of rock was to electrified to much energy for creativity that’s why each bands best players was murdered think about it…..

Reply
David link
19/3/2018 02:26:05 pm

That is bullshit!!!

Reply
Stove
19/3/2018 06:23:30 pm

This is the biggest Hurd of bullshit. Dude only smoked cigs and drank in rare occasions

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Vincent Hepburn
24/3/2018 05:35:11 am

WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS,TO DISRESPECT ONE OF THE WORLDS GREATEST GUITARISTS. ANYONE WHO KNEW RANDY,KNEW HE WAS NEVER A DRUG USER,NOR WOULD HE EVER SLEEP WITH ANOTHER MANS WIFE.YOU HAVE DONE A GREAT DISSERVICE TO YOURSELVES AND YOUR ORGANIZATION BY SPREADING SUCH UNABASHED LIES.

Reply
Ricky
22/7/2019 12:44:33 pm

I absolutely fuckin agree with everything you just said. I could not have said it better! Thank You! And Fuck these mother fuckers that wrote this garbage. Total disrespect

Reply
Mr. Tracy Schmitt link
3/8/2019 09:12:37 pm

☝
yep! Up there,☝

☝what☝all☝those☝awesome☝intelligent guys just said! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
😣WHAT?😳 in the hell? and all that is pure EVIL? Is this shit website, the New National Lampooned Inn Quire?
Would the good people that know/knew the truth, be suing this lump of fly shit? Would it even be worth the time? Have fun continuing to write (and we KNOW you will!) such eminent disgusting bullshit trash. I hope it's worth it for you in the long run after you comedy writers have
L(+)ST your souls??
☑ YES

DynoEnviro
14/8/2020 06:35:49 pm

I agree most of this is horse shit, BUT why would Randy wear a necklace with a gold razor blade on it if he wasn't fond of coke?

Reply
Jake
4/5/2018 08:26:13 am

Karma has a funny way of going full circle and if anyone who deserves it ,, it is the person who wrote this bullshit article

Reply
James W Geschwender
31/8/2018 02:46:08 pm

Total Bullshit

Reply
Eugene Alsdorf
10/1/2019 01:31:36 am

Are you fucking serious what is this author thinking ok truth be told Sharon did admit to having a one night stand with the late RR and tho I never knew him or the Osbourne camp I have read enough and have done my research for the past 32yrs to know this is nothing more than a massive lie to the asshole who wrote this hideous lie you should feel nothing more than pure shame

Reply
Deacon Brocemais
17/5/2019 11:50:55 pm

Funny. He did fuck Sharon people. That’s a fact.

Reply
Mr. Tracy Schmitt link
3/8/2019 09:31:40 pm

☝
You see?up there?what another asshole just took time out of his obvious boring biting bitchy blotchy life to write? Just like the author of this Hollow Hole website. We are unfortunately doing Xactly what they want.
Yep. Acknowledgement...

Reply
Sharon
4/6/2019 10:42:39 pm

He was one of the all time greatest guitar players. The rest doesn't matter. God rest his soul.

Reply
Con Master D
10/8/2019 02:26:27 pm

Thank you Sharon Osbourne. Please confirm whether or not u did in fact bone Randy Roads.

Reply
Sharon
26/8/2019 10:50:35 am

Who is this?

Con Master D link
7/9/2019 06:00:14 pm

Con Master D bitch

Wattie
22/9/2019 11:25:46 am

Easy to get under the skin of these fookin' yanks, yeah?
They get themselves so worked up.
People this fragile shouldn't be allowed access to guns.

Reply
YUGO fUKOF
29/11/2021 12:38:33 am

i SURE AS HELL HOPE YOUR ARE NOT THAT PUNK DUDE SAYING PEOPLE SHOULDNT OWN GUNS. cONFORM MUCH?

Reply
The Judge
25/7/2020 02:09:53 pm

no one here knows nothing!!! they how were involved knows no one else knows so stop overdoing it !!

Reply
William Allen
25/7/2020 05:21:55 pm

Feeling Randy! Just a little Randy?

Reply
William Allen link
25/7/2020 05:46:16 pm

After too many loads, the Randy erodes!

Reply
RG
18/10/2020 05:20:43 pm

The story above is about as believable as Donald Trump, you would have to be high to write and higher to believe it.

Reply
Reg
18/10/2020 05:23:53 pm

The story above is about as believable as Donald Trump, you would have to be high to write it and higher to believe it.

Reply
Loki
6/4/2021 07:43:30 pm

You are sub-human,(untermensch) your parents should be dragged into the street and executed.

Reply
Frankz Nuttz link
23/6/2021 02:45:10 am

Guys guys guys....look at the web link above and then ask yourself why you are getting so worked up over this satirical nonsense LOL

Reply
Larry
22/9/2021 10:31:55 pm

Piece of shit that wrote this lie story should be drowned Bitch ass faggot.!

Reply
Cindy Ortega link
19/12/2021 12:02:51 am

Some people never cease to amaze me. How dare this fucktard disgrace Randy like that. I say string his ass up.

Reply
Eddie
9/1/2022 12:16:11 am

The Onion for Rockers. Can't believe people are getting upset over Foul Entertainment.

Reply
Funnybone
9/1/2022 03:17:00 pm

It's amazing to see how many morons don't get that it was a joke. Dumb bunch.

Reply
Zidders
27/7/2022 08:54:01 am

What a shit article.

Reply
Ted
29/10/2022 03:01:16 am

Who wrote this damn article is the one taking drugs!! very malicious accusations without any real basis! Asshole!

Reply
Ozzy Osbourne link
17/3/2023 08:31:26 am

Your a fucking moron!

Reply



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