There was chaos in the European parliament today as Nigel Farage shocked the entire room by reverting to type and acting exactly the same as he always has. Farage explained to the Guardian afterwards "I'm just a normal bloke like you, I go to the pub, I smoke fags, I let my wife wear a strap on a fuck me from behind, and the EU don't like it when I tell them the truth. Especially that last one."
Farage caused uproar in the gallery today when he took the stand and ranted for what felt like at least 17 hours. "You all laughed at me when I came here 17 years ago, but you're not laughing now. Just like I'm not laughing when my wife lubes up that 19 inch black mamba and lamps it right up my 50s tea towel holder."
Speaking outside the EU main building, Belgian president Guy Verhofstadt said "I almost vomited, it's not that he constantly tells us intimate details about his sex life. I'm not bothered about what he is into. I'm a pretty open guy, but does he really need to get it out and show us? Honestly, there was still shit on it. I'm off to organise a referendum in Belgium, I cannot deal with seeing that man again."
Speaking outside the EU main building, Belgian president Guy Verhofstadt said "I almost vomited, it's not that he constantly tells us intimate details about his sex life. I'm not bothered about what he is into. I'm a pretty open guy, but does he really need to get it out and show us? Honestly, there was still shit on it. I'm off to organise a referendum in Belgium, I cannot deal with seeing that man again."
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