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Los Angeles WalMart Reports Hundreds Of Unopened Condoms Returned

14/6/2016

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WalMart today revealed that their customer services were unable to deal with the heavy load of returns from attendees of the E3 conference that was held in Los Angeles. Customer service worker Katherine Heigl said "I couldn't believe it, we opened at 9 and before I knew it we were swamped with people who looked just like that fat slob I had to kiss in Knocked Up, remember that? I used to be a movie star. Anyway, they were bring back boxes and boxes of unopened condoms, it was crazy. Like they all thought they were going to get laid, but not one of them had any kind of action, not even a posh one. Nothing."
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Image Credit: toprightnews.com
The news will come as a big blow to WalMart head office where profit margins have become a huge focus. The sale of 350,000 boxes of jimmy hats will have been met with tremendous excitement, but the return of every single one of those boxes will be a great disappointment. 

Massive virgin James Teakurk told our reporter "I've shagged loads of women. I've done it all banging, fucking, screwing and sexing! I just didn't need them because I did it Indian style and you can't get any diseases doing it Indian style." When pressed on what Indian style is, James refused to comment and came out in a rash. 
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