Jared Fogle today held a press conference to the inmates of Cell Block 8C informing them that he has put weight on, after the increase of 12 inchers entering his mouth. And anus.
"I've been finding it quite hard to stomach it to be honest. On the outside I just used to have low fat turkey, but in here it is salami every night. Red hot, purple headed salami. Unfortunately it has been aged for longer than I would like as well. It is just ruining the whole prison experience for me to be honest."
Subway executives were unavailable for comment when we asked, although we did get an automated email with some vouchers for a footlong for a quid.
"I was speaking to my cell mate this morning about how it is unfair how much weight I've put on. I don't think he got what I was saying though, because my mouth was full" Jared continued, "With his cock."
Subway executives were unavailable for comment when we asked, although we did get an automated email with some vouchers for a footlong for a quid.
"I was speaking to my cell mate this morning about how it is unfair how much weight I've put on. I don't think he got what I was saying though, because my mouth was full" Jared continued, "With his cock."
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