The IOC today made a pledge to clean up their operations after the scandal surrounding the Rio olympics with the announcement of Sepp Blatter being brought in as their permanent director of operations. Blatter was introduced to the 13 people watching the gymnastics in Rio and he told a packed disabled toilet "I've been out of sport for so long now that I feel my batteries are recharged and my bank account depleted enough for me to be able to take an active role in bringing the name of a respected institution back to the front of people's minds. First things first though, I'm off to watch the football."
After 30 minutes of searching we managed to find someone at the pole vault and they gave us their opinion on the appointment "Sepp is a great guy, we had the World Cup didn't we? If he had been in this post sooner we might have been the first city to get the olympics twice in a row. I certainly haven't been paid to say this either, oh no, these are my opinions."
Residents of Rio told our reporters "Oh it's great, sure another fat rich old man getting richer while we sit in our cardboard shacks living on the rodents we can catch. What's not to like? Maybe we should hold a welcome ceremony for the fat crooked cunt."