Hundreds of football managers today took to the back pages of the local papers to express their delight at the bargains they had managed to acquire due to the unhinged craziness that is Black Friday. Deffo Notaperv of Hardly Athletic told The Mail "It's brilliant, I bought 7 Wayne Rooneys for £80. They won't be able to play at the weekend though, they've all fucked off down the nursing home."
Payda Bung of Midnight Wanderers told Sky Sports News "Our star striker has got a serious attitude problem. He really thinks he's better than everyone else. Mainly because his girlfriend is an absolute stunner. So to remedy it I've signed John Terry for £3.50. We're paying him in condoms. He's already shagged our striker's missus, and mine. And me."