Despite a strong campaign from the spineless mouths of the Remain campaign, it seems that in an attempt to please everyone, the argument to remain ultimately pleased no-one. The consensus of the country is to instead try out something which leaves the entirety of the UK in the dark whilst the Conservative government decides who gets to eat and get rich and who get's to continue to get poorer and starve for the next 10 years.
Leave campaigners the nation over have been celebrating through the night, like this important political issue is in fact a football torunament or some shit. Leave voter Mr Derek Hatemonger expressed his joy outside his local Weatherspoons whilst half cut: "Wheeeey! We can now take back Britain for the British! And when I say British, I mean specifically white people who have never left their home towns, like true patriots! We can now tell all the Poles, Ruskies, Darkies, Syrians, Pakis, Krauts, Frogs and Darkies again they can fuck off trying to rule us. I didn't fight through two World Wars to let some Euro twat tell me what to drink! Well, I say fight, I've watched a load of war films. I reckon I've seen Das Boot about 6 times."
"What the bloody hell does anybody want to go to Europe anyway? It's full of foreigners! I mean, bloody foreigners, what are they doing abroad?!" Mr Hatemonger then proceeded to vomit over our interviewers shoes, demand him for a spare fag, then call him 'gayboy bummer homo' when he was refused.
The UK can now look forward to the rest of the world treating us with the same cold, distant contempt that you'd treat an uncle you always thought was a bit creepy who turned out to have molested your cousins for years. Meanwhile, it isn't clear what happens next, what we've got ourselves into or why people thought listening to racist superstar Nigel Farage and living toupee Boris Johnson was a good idea in the first place.