College Students Protest To Rename 4th Of July To Independence Gay

Across America today, people are celebrating the anniversary of their country achieving independence from the British Empire in an American tradition which has been going on for over 200 years.

But in some college campuses, attention-seeking crybabies are trying to ruin everything yet again.

According to Sarah Flat-Chest from Ohio, "Independence Day completely excludes the LGBT community. It's aimed primarily at straight people, and frankly we've had enough."

"Will Young came out the closet on July 4th. So did Barbara Streisand. These are much more important milestones than the official freedom of America. Why aren't these the occasions we celebrate each year? We have started a petition to rename it to Independence Gay"

When it was pointed out to Sarah that the Declaration of Independence includes everyone in America, and is not restricted to one particular sexual orientation, Sarah began to shout nonsensical words at our reporter.

"TRIGGERED LGBT  WAGE GAP SEXISM 23% MANSPLAINING FEMINISM NON-INCLUSIVE TRANSGENDER EQUALITY END DISCRIMINATION AGAINST ANYONE NOT STRAIGHT WHITE EQUAL PAY GAY RIGHTS LGBTS SHOULD BE EQUAL"

We could not include a picture of Sarah in this article as the only thing more offensive than her opinions was her face.