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Casual Football Fan Unaware England Are Out Of The European Cup

3/7/2016

2 Comments

 
Last week, pubs and living rooms of working class people alike were awash with disappointment when England were knocked out of the European Cup by Iceland in a victory most rational people should have expected. The whole country has been in disarray since, with many desperate football fans claiming to be a tenth Welsh so that they don't have to admit they were fools to think England would be anything other than disappointing.

However, Dennis Miller from Huddersfield has been preaching his profound love of his country in pubs, at work and at his home, claiming that "Eng-er-land" are still going "score one more than you", despite their exit from the competiton.
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"It's so embarassing," said daughter Jessica, 13. "The day after we lost to Iceland, Dad dropped me off at school with Three Lions blaring out the car. He would shout things like "come on England, score a goals!" at my friends for no reason."

The headteacher of the school called Dennis's wife Vivian into school one morning to ask if there were problems at home.

'Apparently some of my daughter's friends had passed by our house. Dennis still had two huge England flags hanging from our windows. People must have thought we were mad."

During the day of the flag incident, Dennis is reported to have tweeted: "omw to work with england flags blowing on either side of the mazda! Come on you reddddds (and whiiiiiites) Dennis M".

"He's harmless," said friend Chuck Billy. "He's just the ultimate casual fan. I don't think he's actually watched a game since Euro 96. But y'know, patriotism knows no boundaries."

Edit: since this article has been published, Dennis Miller contacted us claiming to actually be "a tenth Welsh".
2 Comments
G
3/7/2016 10:24:29 pm

What the fuck is this.

Reply
Foul ENT
3/7/2016 10:25:15 pm

Satire?

Reply



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