Foul Entertainment can exclusively reveal the newest actor to play the role of James Bond. Eon Productions have cemented Whoopi Goldberg as the next actor to play the iconic spy, cementing a four-film deal which will carry the franchise into 2024.
Despite the recent success of newest Bond instalment Spectre, which critics have referred to as ‘not shit’, and ‘the Goldeneye of our generation, but not as good as Goldeneye’, Daniel Craig has opted to retire from the franchise, citing ‘I can’t be arsed to do this anymore’ as the reason for his departure. Rumours have been circulating since the news of Craig’s exit as to who could fill his admittedly large shoes.
‘We had auditions from all the big names in the industry – Jason Statham, Jamie Dornan, Chris Hemsworth, just to name a few,’ said a source from Eon Productions. ‘Then someone in our office made a joke that Whoopi Goldberg would walk through the door next and we all burst out laughing.’
But some people weren’t laughing. Social media users got news of this supposed ‘joke’ and took to Twitter to declare their outage.
‘We had auditions from all the big names in the industry – Jason Statham, Jamie Dornan, Chris Hemsworth, just to name a few,’ said a source from Eon Productions. ‘Then someone in our office made a joke that Whoopi Goldberg would walk through the door next and we all burst out laughing.’
But some people weren’t laughing. Social media users got news of this supposed ‘joke’ and took to Twitter to declare their outage.
A spokesperson for Eon Productions defended their comments by saying that it was simply a joke at the amount of A-List actors showing up at their studios. This, however, only seemed to worsen the situation.
‘By this point we had admitted defeat. We just said to ourselves you know what, fuck this, and we got Whoopi Goldberg into the studio.’
‘She wasn’t the best actor. In fact, she was awful. She couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag. But the PC brigade were out in full force by this point, and the fact that James Bond, the literary creation, was a middle aged English white man didn’t matter to these clowns. What next? Ray Charles? The dog that won Britain’s Got Talent? It’s getting out of hand if you ask me.’
But Eon Productions have come under scrutiny yet again for their comments.
‘She wasn’t the best actor. In fact, she was awful. She couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag. But the PC brigade were out in full force by this point, and the fact that James Bond, the literary creation, was a middle aged English white man didn’t matter to these clowns. What next? Ray Charles? The dog that won Britain’s Got Talent? It’s getting out of hand if you ask me.’
But Eon Productions have come under scrutiny yet again for their comments.
The next instalment of the James Bond franchise, tentatively titled 007: F.F.S is due to begin filming in early 2016.
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