'We've all seen them,' said housing price expert Michael Fairfax. 'They look like shit, and they're usually hanging from the bedroom window of a high-rise flat with weed smoke coming out of it.'
'A woman recently contacted me asking why Connells would only quote her five country manor at a value of £24,000. I came round to inspect and saw two huge England flags hanging from her upstairs windows. She was waiting for me in the drive. I flipped her off then turned my car around.'
However, despite their popularity, England flag holders are notorious for their glaring hypocrisy says Michael Fairfax.
'Everyone is the biggest England fan in the world before they've played a game. Then as soon as they lose, they claim England are the worst football team on the planet. Once the game is over, every flag-bearing wanker is football expert. They're obviously not going to win. Take your stupid flags down, and get a job.'